I have come to trust in the power of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” I know that each week, it will leave me renewed and invigorated about life, teach me things I never would have known, take me places I never would have travelled … like Shhh! It’s A Wig or the local department store. First of all, I would like to congratulate the person who came up with the name Shhh! It’s A Wig. After the jump, Shhh! It’s A Wig and much, much more.
Say it with me now … “Shhh! It’s A Wig!” Shhh! It’s A Wig (I plan to use the full name of the business as many times as possible) is the shop full of hot mess hair where Alana plans to find the wig that will help her win her next pageant. Unfortunately, for Alana, fortunately for us, the stylist doesn’t quite get it right and she ends up with a grandma wiglet. But that’s OK because there are so many more wigs to try on at Shhh! It’s A Wig. Alana and crew model the Cousin It wig, Nicki Minaj hair, sponge head, an afro and Rapunzel hair. Sugar Bear even gets in on the action with a smexy wig that will make him look taller. Seriously, Shhh! It’s A Wig has every kind of faux hairstyle a person could dream of. But nothing that Alana can actually wear for her next pageant. Oh well. Who cares. Shhh! It’s A Wig will be the perfect place to shop for Halloween costumes.
And now, some swimming pool porn for you. “I don’t even think I’m a real person, I think I’m a fish,” says Alana as she slides around in her new pool. I can’t express to you how many times in my life I’ve had this very thought.
While gorging on ribs and potato salad at the Paradise Country Bar-B-Que, Chickadee asks June why she’s afraid to marry Sugar Bear. There are many theories brought to the table. June’s afraid she won’t fit into a wedding dress, “she hates the word marriage.” But really, it’s much simpler than that; June puts her daughters first. “Relationships come and go, but my kids will be forever,” she says. I’m torn here, because I fiercely respect June’s stance on this. On the other hand, I am moved by how much Sugar Bear loves June and all the girls — and how much the girls adore him. And this is what I gets me most about this show, just as a lump is forming in my throat, just when I’m overcome by the tenderness of the Boo Boo family, Chubbs farts on Pumpkin’s leg. Such is life.
Crazy Tony’s back! And he’s frying up fish and taking the Boo Boos on a shopping trip. Crazy Tony and the gang hop on their four-wheelers and head to “the local department store.” Shhh! It’s the Wikinson County dumpster. And Shhh! That’s where Pumpkin gets all of her clothes. The Boos Boos go fishin’ for goods and leave the department store with a crib for baby Kaitlyn, a fan, a toilet seat, an iron and Pumpkin wrapped in a mattress (“a pig in a blanket” as Crazy Tony refers to her). Alana wants to compete in a Dumpster Divas Pageant. I, for one, would very much like to see that. “Toddlers & Tiaras,” give the people what they want.
If Bill Clinton’s DNC speech didn’t make you feel patriotic last night (I don’t know how it couldn’t have), the Boo Boos attending a fireworks show will. “This is the best day of my life!” Alana screams into the air. Hey! That’s what I say whenever I’m having more fun than I know how to express. That’s how I feel about this entire episode, actually every time I watch this show — like it’s raining colors and the sky is full of rainbows.
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