SPOILERS galore! This week’s “Pad” challenge was called “Hanging By A Thread”, a fitting description for my interest in the show. I hate to say this, but “Bachelor Pad” is about as dead to me as Rachel is to Jaclyn after she eliminates her and they are no longer “best friends.” I’m sorry if I spoiled anything for you. Another best friendship RUINED by “Bachelor Pad.” But before Jaclyn and Ed are sent motoring in the reject limo, Ed has the opportunity to make his “dream come true” by doing a live performance of one of his “favorite” songs from his “running mix” — “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger. It soon turns into a nightmare for us all. But the kind that’s super fun to laugh about together. Shall we do that? Guaranteed laughs after the jump.
The “Pad” cast gets to work with professional vocal coaches who are all somehow affiliated with the show “Glee.” Sarah thinks her singing sounds “like a 13-year-old boy going through puberty.” Chris concurs and so do I. “There’s bad and then there’s Sarah,” he says. Rachel’s voice is deep and raspy and Nick mistakes the lyrics “motoring” for “motor boating.” It’s an easy mistake. Ed, the self-proclaimed PHd in karaoke, realizes that actual singing is much harder than karaoke. By the end of the vocal coaching session, Ed is completely “disoriented” and “lost.” How fast dreams can turn to nightmares. I’ve included this clip so you can enjoy the cacophony of “Pad” contestants attempting to sing. Also, please note the faces of the vocal coaches as they endure this torture.
I don’t think there’s much to say about Rachel and Nick’s performance, save for the fact that Sarah thinks Nick and Rachel’s performance is “great.” Not the word I would have used. Perhaps, “less painful than the other two performances?” Ed and Jaclyn’s performance, on the other hand, is worth talking about. Despite the fact that it’s one of his favorite songs from his running mix, Ed can’t remember any of the words and neither can Jaclyn. They try to make up for this by dry humping on stage. It doesn’t work as the song is about a brother giving his sister advice. So, an incest theme isn’t going to win them points with the judges.
I’ve saved the worst for last! You’ve heard Sarah’s voice. But you haven’t seen her dance moves yet. They might be more unfortunate than her voice. As Ed puts it, “Sarah looks like a monkey that’s being electrocuted by some kind of thunderbolt coming down on her.” I rarely agree with Ed. But in this case, he nails it. They are just so … odd. Obviously, Nick and Rachel win the “Sister Christian” competition because they are the least awful and it’s time to make some tough decisions about who will be in the finale. Jaclyn thinks, mistakenly, that she will be spared because Rachel is her “best friend.” Where has she been the past seven weeks? Hasn’t she caught on yet that this game has nothing to do with friendship?
Anyhow, see you next week at the finale … finally, as Sarah and Chis and Rachel and Nick duke it out for the dough.