As always, the precious moments on last night’s episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” were bountiful. I was still a little distracted by the discovery that June is the same age as me. It’s going to take me a while to process that. Anyhow, the Boo Boos are showing no signs of slowing down. I sincerely hope you’ve been watching as it’s difficult for me not to talk about every single second of every episode. I want us to share ALL of them together, but, for the sake of brevity, I am forced to pick the most beautimous nuggets. Spoiler: Last night’s undisputed climax was the revealing of June’s FORKLIFT FOOT. Oh YES. After the jump, FORKLIFT FOOT and much, much more.
OK, so Kaitlyn is not out of Chickadee’s biscuit just yet, just knocking at the door. In real life she is, and she has three thumbs, but we haven’t caught up to real life yet on the show. For now, Chickadee is on bed rest and Alana is not ready for Kaitlyn to come out yet because she’s going to smell like poop. Ain’t that the truth! For now, Kaityn is going to stay in Chickadee’s oven bacon, I mean bakin’, and Alana’s gonna plan for the thousands and thousands of kids she’s gonna have when she grows up.
Wipe that booger off the scale because it’s weigh in time! In the Boo Boo family, a successful diet means losing 1 -3 pounds in an entire summer. Hell, if you’re Pumpkin, it means gaining 100 pounds. She’s not quite there yet, but she’s working on it. She’s also working on getting her butt hole pierced. Do I see an anal tattoo in her future? Scary! Despite both Pumpkin and Alana gaining weight, they are rewarded for their dieting efforts with a trip the the water park!
Alana looks beautimous in her life vest, like a chunky lemon to be precise. We don’t see a whole lot of wedgies or vajiggle jaggle at the water park, but we do see something way better: June on a water slide. Honestly, I think it goes down in history as one of the most joyful moments on reality TV. I mean this in the best possible way, but June sounds like the happiest porpoise alive as she winds down the yellow slide. How is she making that noise? And just when my heart was filled with the most joy I think it can be filled with, there’s more!
I was doubtful that we’d ever see it. And then, there it was, fully exposed in all its mangled glory; June’s legendary FORKLIFT FOOT. As she removes her dirty sock, the gnat kingdom is awakened. They travel from far and wide to pay homage and swarm around it. Take them to their leader! The girls think it’s disgusting. I was kind of expecting it to be worse, but the moment is so built up that I’m just as giddy as the gnats. Long live FORKLIFT FOOT!
Last, but certainly not least, poop in a can! I mean, spray tanning! Watching Alana get spray tanned is different than watching the other girls on “Toddlers & Tiaras” have it done. Usually, spray tanning makes the little girls scream or cry, but for Alana, it just makes her gassy. Alana’s poop in a can tan and Elvis performance helps her take the title of Queen in her age division at the Rock Star Pageant. Hey, it’s no Grand Supreme, but it’s something. Don’t worry Alana, your big ass title is coming, girl. Maybe next week? Until then, I wish you as much as happiness as June experienced when on the water slide.
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