Where Will You Be When Ryan Lochte’s Penis Pic Hits The Internet?

  • A pic of Ryan Lochte’s penis will go up on the sports blog Deadspin if current negotiations are successful. How did we not see this coming?! Of course Ryan Lochte has dick pics. Deadspin is in negotitions with a person “in possession of a photograph of a penis” who got the photograph from a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend of Lochte’s ex-girlfriend. And then there’s this very thorough description of the body in the photograph:

    “We have seen the photograph. The body in the photo is shaved like a swimmer’s body, with tan lines from racing trunks. The contours of the torso appear to match the contours of Lochte’s torso, particularly the deep crease across the abdominal muscles, angling up at the sides. The position of the subject/photographer’s right arm makes it impossible to tell whether Lochte’s other distinguishing marks — his Olympic-rings arm tattoo and a prominent pectoral mole — are present.”

    However this is all getting very complicated because Lochte’s “prominent pectoral mole” appears to have been recently removed. It’s a mystery mole! We are going to await Deadspin’s imminent acquisition of the Ryan Lochte penis pics, which will surely give poor Prince Harry the distraction he’s looking for. Win-win for everybody. [Black Book Mag]

  • Speaking of Inconvenient Things That Famous People Don’t Want You To See, the singer Dev has filed cease-and-desist letters against several media outlets to stop them from exposing a sex tape that has surfaced of the 23-year-old. [PopCrush]
  • A man who dressed in “furry camouflage” to fake Bigfoot sitings was struck and killed on a Montana roadside. [People]
  • Rihanna and Chris Brown are both willing to present an award together at the upcoming MTV Video Music Awards, which would make me bang my head against my desk until Christmas. [Hollywood Life]
  • Katy Perry doesn’t need no stinkin’ $20 million contract, “American Idol.” Go add it to Mariah Carey’s glitter budget. [PopBytes]
  • Quelle scandale: the staff of “The Today Show” supposedly hates Matt Lauer. They might just be cranky because they all have to be at work at, like, 4 a.m. [Socialite Life]
  • Kelly Clarkson covered Florence + The Machine’s “Shake It Out” in concert, which I don’t even have to watch to know it was awesome. [Betty Confidential]
  • Bill Nye The Science Guy versus creationism — hmm, I wonder who’ll win. [The FW]
  • On Lupe Fiasco and rap music’s long history of being condescending to women. [The Atlantic]
  • 12 reasons why everyone secretly hated your wedding. [The Gloss]
  • Wait, wait, hold up. Taylor Swift’s boyfriend Conor Kennedy is still in high school?!  [Crushable]
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[Photo: Getty]