Now that all of the interesting contestants have been kicked off “Bachelor Pad,” there are very few ways to keep the viewers watching. A spelling bee and confessions are what the producers opt for. The remaining “Pad” members are happy to oblige, dredging up the best they have to offer in the way of DEEP, DARK, T-I-T-I-L-L-A-T-I-N-G “Bachelor Pad” confessions. Well, not really, but I wanted to make a reference to the spelling bee. Thanks for humoring me. More after the jump.
Confession #1: Rachel was falling in love with Michael Stagliano.
Michael’s gone and the ever stoic Rachel is an “absolute disaster.” A stage seven earthquake, Jaclyn calls her. She feels like a “widow” and is “lost ” without him. This seems like a bit much. I never would have expected that Rachel was the type to wear all black and apply powder under her eyes with shaking hands upon learning of Michael’s elimination. Seriously? Michael’s not dead. This is not a funeral. She’ll see him in two weeks.
Confession #2: Chris is still not over Emily.
Somehow, Sarah is wearing a bikini under her dress and also is really falling for Chris, despite him letting his trouser snake crawl into no less than three lady gardens. It must be serendipity! I’m so glad they both know how to spell that word! Anyhow, Chris is holding back because he’s still not over Emily. Full disclosure: I didn’t watch Emily’s season. But I do know that she made a good decision in letting Chris go. Should she ever question that decision, all she’d need to do is watch “Bachelor Pad” to feel reassured.
Confession #3: Ed has a girl back home.
Or he did have a girl at home, but they broke up before the show. “The reality is, I have been pursuing somebody at home for awhile now,” he tells Jaclyn. Which means he 100 percent has a girl back home. Which also totally explains why he keeps embarrassing Jaclyn on national television. As for his feelings for Jaclyn? And those night vision makeout sessions? Well, “Hooking up is all a part of this process,” Ed explains. He thought Jaclyn knew about the girl back home, ya know, telepathically. No, she did NOT. And now she can’t recover from this. Cue self-flagellation.
The rest is all boring zone. With a boring zone ending wherein Kalon hops into Lindzi’s reject limo and they ride off into the real world together, where no doubt, they’ll be broken up in a matter of days.