There was only one episode of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” last night. I felt the second episode missing like a phantom limb. But still, it’s important to take a moment to redneckonize all the mud boggin’ fun packed into those 22 minutes. Who would have known that Christmas can happen in July? Or that Sugar Bear would be such a genius at naming smells? Or that Alana spoke Spanish? The Boo Boos continue to impress the shit out of me. The things I learned last night after the jump.
1.The correct way to spell “Kuntry Store” and what a door nut is. Actually, I have no idea what a door nut is. It seems to be a word that Alana made up. Or it’s something you can buy at the Kuntry Store. But OMG. Like, that’s OK because we get to see Alana speak in “Spanish Girl.” That’s a combination of Spanish and Valley Girl. Like, me gusta. Totally, me gusta.
2. The bond between girl and pig. Goodbye Glitzy. She/he is going back to the breeder because it ooos everywhere and squeals all night and the girls are too lazy to take care of it. Of course, this breaks Alana’s heart. NOOOOOOOO!!!! But this Goodbye Glitzy montage is a cinematic masterpiece.
3. How the Boo Boos do “smexy” time. It’s Christmas in July, which means that Sugar Bear dresses up as Santa Claus, I mean, Shorty Claus, asks all the kiddies what kind of four-wheeler they want for Christmas and then donates canned good to charity. This is all very charming. The only problem is his Santa Costume smells like “a chain-smoking goat.” But Sugar Bear’s stank is not a turn off to June. Nor are the toenail clippings in her bed. I suspect they are Pumpkin’s even though she denies it, Not even Pumpkin’s dirty toe nail shards can keep June from finding Sugar Bear’s man boobies “smexy.” That’s smelly and sexy. Somehow they manage to make Santa/Mrs. Claus roleplaying as sweet and inoffensive as humanly possible. I never thought I’d write that sentence in my lifetime.
4. More about Elvis the elf. Last week we learned that Elvis is one of Santa’s elves. But that’s not all. Did you know that Elvis is the primary maker of toys and iPads? No waaay! Does this mean that Santa’s actually based in Cupertino? I’m working on a theory here.
Previously on “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”…