9 (More) Things I Learned From “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”
Sometimes a show has a great first couple of episodes and fades away as the season continues. The opposite is true of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” It just keeps getting better. Amelia thinks Alana will grow up to be the “funniest comedian that ever lived.” I agree. And, here in the office, we’re kicking around the idea that June is a sex positive feminist and doesn’t even know it. Oh, all the things I’m learning from this show. After the jump, some more nuggets of wisdom from last night including FORKLIFT FOOT.
1.”Tooy-tay.” Last week, we learned that the Boo Boos call a vagina a “biscuit.” Last night, we learned more Boo Boo private part vernacular. They refer to a butthole as a “too-tay.” Also, I’m pretty sure June is a toilet paper hoarder, which explains why she gets so mad when the girls used her stockpile to TP the house as an “anniversary gift.”
2. All about neck crust. Pumpkin, being the irreverent smart ass that she is (she should join a punk band), suggests some rust remover for June’s neck crust problem. I didn’t know one could get neck crust. I guess it’s something that happens when you have multiple chins. June doesn’t give a crap though, she just looks good when she wants to look good. How feminist of her.
3. How to make a redneck slip n’ slide. Tarp. Baby oil. Soap. Broom. Hose. Combine and have fun. Done and done.
4. How a pig “ooos” itself. Put Glitzy on the dinner table and watch him “ooo” himself. People “poo.” Pigs “ooo.” Also, I learned what Glitzy’s “ooo” looks like, even though TLC blurred it out. It looks like a hot dog according to Chickadee and a chocolate eclair according to Chubbs.
5. Boys only want to get in your lil’ biscuit and get a lil’ piece and then they’re runnin’. Apparently, this is how Chickadee got knocked up. I mean, I already kind of knew this, but when June says it, it sounds more funny than depressing. But still, it’s true. June gives this advice from first hand experience.
6. Elvis is one of Santa’s elves. He was not one of the greatest rock stars of all time. Elvis is one of Santa’s elves. Alana got this information from Sugar Bear, which makes me think he has a better sense of humor than I pegged him for. And clearly, this was passed on to Alana. The visual I’m getting of Elvis in a elf costume is going to keep me happy all day.
7. Forklift foot. The Boo Boos visit to the spa was my very favorite part of last night’s episode. Where to start? I love how June and Alana refer to themselves as “old barns.” I’m stealing that. Alana’s right: “happiness and sunshine and butterflies and flowers” is exactly what getting a s’magen (massage) feels like. And then, the Boo Boos get pedicures and June declines her pedi because she has “forklift foot.” Meaning, she has a deformed toe from a forklift accident. I am also stealing that and reappropriating the term as a general descriptor for when my feet look busted and I need a pedi. Ex: “I need to go the nail salon because I have forklift foot.”
8. How to celebrate an 8th anniversary with a shack ‘em up mate. So, to answer some of my previous questions, Alana is Sugar Bear’s only biological child of the bunch. And he and June are not married because the word makes her skin crawl. Sugar Bear’s asked her a bunch of times, but she’s not ready. FEMINIST! Anyhow, I’ve never been with anyone for eight years, shack ‘em up mate or not. But if that ever happens, I could only hope that he would present me with a bronzed deer statue as my gift. I swear, I won’t be as ungrateful as June is. But all joking aside, I think they have a very sweet relationship.
9. How to get sassified. As Alana learned from June, “pretty comes in all sizes … and my size is cute!” That being said, Alana’s old glitz pageant dress doesn’t fit her anymore, so June takes her to get fitted for a new dress — one that makes her feel “sassified.” Naturally, Glitzy gets fitted for a matching dress, which makes June sneeze. God, I love when June sneezes.
Previously on “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”: