5 Occasions In Which I Have Completely Wasted My Hard-Earned Money

Yesterday, I finally did something that I had been meaning to do for awhile: I walked into a Crunch Gym and canceled my membership. Which I had been paying for, for a year. And have never used once. Like, hadn’t even picked up my membership card. Pathetic.

When I think about how much money I completely wasted, I want to punch myself. Alas, it’s not the first time I’ve practically flushed my hard-earned cash down the toilet. I have made some truly stupid spending decisions over the years, and in an effort to never be so frivolously lazy again, I am going to share them with you. Feel free to make me feel better by the ways in which you have completely wasted money in the comments!

1. October 2003: Jill Stuart coat, $550. I was working as an assistant at Rolling Stone at the time, making $30K a year. I opened up Teen Vogue, saw Mary-Kate Olsen wearing the coat at left and decided that I had to have it. I had never spent so much money on something in my life. Banana Republic heels ($89 a pair at the time) were a splurge. But I charged this coat to my credit card. I still have it, but I never wear it anymore (though I might revive it this winter…), and even though I loved it dearly, let’s face it, it was a huge waste of money considering I could only afford to eat carbs for dinner for the next six months.

2. September 2000-June 2001: Parking tickets, $400+. In my current adult life, I can be very lazy about taking public transportation. I take a lot of cabs (although in the last few months I have cut down on my taxi-taking by at least half). I was no different back in college, when I used to drive to school and was lazy about parking in the student lot at the edge of campus. Instead, I would park in either the spaces for faculty/visitors near my classes and would cross my fingers I wouldn’t get a ticket. Half the time, I got away with. The other half, I didn’t. And don’t even get me started on the fine I incurred when I started using a doctored parking pass and got busted by campus police. At least I didn’t get arrested like they threatened! Hahahaha!!! Sigh.

3. November 2002: 7 for All Mankind jeans, $159. One Sunday, my roommate at the time and I went to brunch and got day drunk. Oh, the decisions I’ve made while day drunk … never good. This time, I went shopping. And plunked down $159 on jeans with a very wide leg that I felt deeply and tipsily that I needed. Cut to a few hours later. I am sober. I am at the ATM, trying to take out cash to buy dinner. I am overdrawn on my checking account. I am not getting paid for another five days. And according to the receipt, the jeans I bought that I already kind of hate cannot be returned.

4. December 31, 2011: Ticket to see Phish on New Year’s Eve, $300. Confession: I do not actually regret this purchase, though I acknowledge that it is absolutely a hilarious waste of $300 considering I HATE PHISH. It was worth the money because I went to the show with, like, the love of my life. Even still, I am still not a Phish fan and any future concerts with aforementioned person will feature bands we both like.

5. August 2000: 1993 Volkswagon Jetta, $5000. I hate to sound like a stereotypical chick, but I know nothing about cars, so I could not tell you whether or not $5000 is an okay price for a seven-year-old car in great condition. What I know now, however, is that $5000 is a complete rip-off for a seven-year-old car in mediocre-at-best condition with 250,000 miles already on it. I know. I knowwwwww. Two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand miles! How?! What was I thinking? I was thinking that I needed a new car because the hand-me-down I was driving (my mom’s old 1988 Nissan Stanza) was dead and school was about to start up again. The one person who could have advised me on making such a huge purchase was my dad, but we weren’t speaking at the time. So I did it on my own and ended up with this bitch.

Help me out here and share your money wasting stories in the comments! Together, we can inspire each other to be more fiscally responsible!