Sometimes in the dead of summer, when I am chained to my computer all day but wanting to be at the beach, I say to myself, I wish I was a celebrity so that I could be frolicking at the beach right now. Because it seems like celebs spend more time at the beach having fun than us average peeps do. Maybe it’s because they have more free time, or maybe it’s just that they get photographed more often. And that idea is what makes me glad that I’m not a celebrity. I want to be free to be awkward on the beach without being photographed. Like that time that I accidentally sat on a broken lounge chair and fell into the sand. Or that time that I ran from the seagull that shit-bombed Amelia. If only the paps could see me then. I’m sure I was making an absolutely ridiculous face. I’ll bet I looked equally as weird as these celebs did when they were caught on film doing some very awkward beach frolicking.