Why Your Lazy Bartender Doesn’t Want To Make You A Mojito
Once upon a time, I had a Dumb Idea. I decided to make mojitos, my favorite cocktail. They look so tasty and delicious in the bar, but come to find out they are a pain in the ass to make. The rum/mint/sugar/lime juice ratio is a delicate balance. And muddling the mint — “muddling” means abrasively rubbing, to release the flavor — is the worst. My uncle, who is a professional bartender, even gave me special mojito sugars. That didn’t help. My mojitos looked, and tasted, like swamp water.
So I can almost, almost, feel sympathetic now that The New York Post is now claiming bartenders are flat-out refusing to make their customers mojitos.
Bartenders supposedly tell the Post that mojitos are “too time-consuming to make.” A bartender can make several other drinks, and earn tips for doing so, in the time it could take them to make a few mojitos. Some of them dumbly revealed their trick, which is to pretend to be out of mint.
And since life is high school, the NY Post will also have you know that a mojito is the sort of drink ordered by “rookie customers,” like “intimidated middle-aged men.” Ouch.
In conclusion, bartenders want everyone to start ordering Cosmopolitans again. Right? Right?