Truly “Miss Advised”: The Season Ends With A Whimper & A Not-So-Exciting “Announcement”

Well, I suppose it’s a good thing that the first (and probably last) season of “Miss Advised” has come to an end, as the show has been giving me nightmares! Last night, after watching the finale, I dreamt that I totally Julia Allison-ed at work today. That is to say, I overslept, missed all of my deadlines, and generally made a mockery of all the opportunities that have been given to me. I woke up in a panic at 6 a.m., when I immediately began writing this recap. I shall not become that which I mock! (FYI, feel free to use “Julia Allison” as a verb — in addition to the context in which I used it, “To Julia Allison” can also mean “to act like a lunatic on a date,” i.e. “Ugh, I totally Julia Allison-ed on my date last night with Greg — I got drunk and begged him to kiss me!”)

Anyway! So, last night’s finale came with an extra little bit of anticipation. On Julia’s  Twitter yesterday — which I used to follow, until she blocked me, and then she unblocked me but I haven’t bothered to refollow BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN I’M NOT WANTED — she announced that she would have a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT following the episode. I dared not guess what it could be, but needless to say, I was falling off my chair with excitement (though that could have been from the bottle of wine I find it necessary to consume in order to watch the show).

Except … the Poor Math Teacher never called. Maybe because this was the last episode of the season and he was only contracted for one episode? Regardless, Julia has learned much about love from her experiences the last few months, namely, that she needed to add MORE to her checklist. (As my friend tweeted last night, “If you make a list to find a guy, you will end up fucking a piece of paper.”) In other words, Julia has learned absolutely not a goddamn thing. She is still crazy. She still thinks a partner should be someone you can order from a catalog, with all the bells and whistles that you want but don’t actually need. She is still an asshole.

BUT … she is no longer single! SUCK IT, HATERS. That was Julia’s BIG ANNOUNCEMENT following last night’s “Miss Advised” finale. SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. Announced to her Twitter and Facebook followers with such bravado, as if being in relationship validates her existence and is a testament that she’s changed and grown. It’s both funny and sad. Because having a BF does not mean you’ve overcome your deep insecurity issues. It just means you’ve found a new way to ignore them. But hey, at least season two — HA, if it happens! — will be just as insanely entertaining as the first, right?