“Bachelor Pad” Recap: Awks Hookups And Fighting Frenemies

Lots of spoilers alert. There are so many things we could talk about from last night’s episode of “Bachelor Pad.” Um, the “Hot Sludge Funday” complete with a “nut sack” and a cherry on top? Who thinks up these challenges and may I offer my services? Maybe a penis car wash would be fun? Or we could focus on Jamie’s complete emotional meltdown at the prom (we’ve all been there) and subsequent throwing of herself at Chris. “I just want to fall in love on TV and show my kids,” she gushed. We haven’t all been there. Jamie has officially succeeded in making me forget about that time on “The Bachelor” when she straddled Ben Flajnik and tried to kiss him. ‘Member that? Or how about that drunken Ed/ Jaclyn hookup. Where is it? I don’t have any underwear on. I see it. What are you going to do with it? Ed singing. What is your name again? You can watch their super-romantic hookup above. Jillian Harris must be saying a prayer of thanks at this moment.

But wait! There’s more! Frenemy action abounds in da Pad! I’ve got to give it to Blakeley, as clueless as she can be, she never forgets that she’s in it to win it. So, when Jamie tries to call some BS truce, she’ll have none of it. Blakeley is the type of person who will hold onto her grudge until she takes her last VIP cocktail waitressing breath. Even if Jamie happens to be the nurse at her bedside (Jamie’s a nurse, right?), Blakeley will forego life-saving treatment to stick it to her. Her last words will be, “You tried to steal my partner.”

Ed, on the other hand, is not quite so savvy. Let’s recap history here: Reid and Ed both proposed to Jillian and she chose Ed. Even if I were the drunkest I’ve ever been in my life (like Ed is 24/7 in the Pad house), I would not buy Reid’s “let’s be bros line of crap.” But Ed happily eats the shit sandwich … and enjoys it. “Reid is one of my friends and obviously we went through ‘The Bachelorette’ together, so we do have a bond. Just goes to show I have good friends here who are trustworthy,” he says. Ed. Please put on your underwear and go home. Reid thinks you’re a douche and so do the rest of us. Imagine how badly Ed’s feelings were hurt feelings when he discovered that Reid was playing him. WOMP. WOMP. But don’t cry for Ed, Reid was the one who ended up having to put on his underwear and go home in the end. I think this is Reid’s destiny — to always be the tragic Charlie Brown in any given situation no matter how cruel his intentions are. Better luck being the bad guy next time, Reid.