Let’s start with the good: Jessica Biel‘s subtle, glowy makeup at the NYC “Total Recall” premiere is gorgeous and ethereal, her hair is as close to perfection as it can get with the distracting fringe, love the reptile pumps, and that ring must have cost a grand heap of “Sexy Back” royalties. This look almost — almost — gets it so right, but she had to go and make a goddamn travesty of a lovely dress by throwing on an inexplicable matching lace cape! Whyyyyy, Jessica? Did JT insist? Are you taking a page out of Natalie‘s book and getting married beneath a chuppah directly after the premiere, which would explain the need for covered shoulders? Were you just cold? How cold? Was Colin Farrell cold, too? Do tell.