In my most solitary personal moments, there is nothing I like better than to watch “Jersey Shore” with my pants off and my mouth dumbly ajar, spooning with a bag of Lay’s. That shit fascinates me. My many private observatory hours of guilty pleasure screening have naturally led me to pick favorite cast members, episodes, couples, and fights, which is the hallmark of reality TV, no? Its very core intention is to make you invest time and energy into watching and thinking about these characters, who are actually real people, and that in and of itself is stranger than any fiction.
Anyway, whatever — my fave is the artist formerly known as Jenni Farley. JWoww has a sensitivity and lucidity to her that that the other housemates lack, and I was actually pleasantly surprised by how intelligent she seemed to be at many intervals. I also thought in the first couple of seasons that she was so naturally pretty, but things only got weirder and weirder from there. Why won’t this (no longer) perfectly good-looking girl stop messing with her face? Is it insecurity? Does she actually think she looks … better? Case in point: here she is, being the case study in how not to wear makeup, and what plastic surgery not to get. I’m sorry, but this is straight-up sad.