Jessica is running late so I’m doing Quickies, which means that I get to make the first item about Scientology! So, in case it wasn’t blatantly obvious, an ex-Scientologist analyzes the trailer for “The Master” and confirms that, yeah, Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest is definitely all about the early days of L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology. The film stars Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix and looks amaaaazing. [The Daily Beast]
As you might expect, Scientology’s prince, Tom Cruise, “has issues” with the film. [NYPost]
Speaking of Scientologists, here are pics of newlyweds Giovanni Ribisi and Agyness Deyn makin’ out! [Us Weekly]
PBS has apparently fired Fred Willard, the narrator for their show “Market Warriors,” following his arrest yesterday for allegedly masturbating at a porn theater. Willard has denied the allegations. But seriously though, what do we think happens inside porn movie theaters? [NYTimes]
Speaking of Fred Willard, here are bunch more famous folks caught with their pants down. [The Daily Beast]
Sylvia Woods, known as “The Queen of Soul Food,” has passed away at the age of 86, hours before she was supposed to receive a special aware from New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg. [People]
Seth Rogen’s wife, Lauren Miller, has gotten a temporary restraining order against a stalker who claims he hears voices in his head. Freaky. [TMZ]
Are Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith headed for divorce? If so, what will she do about that Antonio tattoo on her arm? [Radar Online]
Today in “Wait, what?” Snooki was invited to an Olympic wrestler’s wedding, but she couldn’t go, so she sent him marijuana as a gift. [TMZ]
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Someone texted me in all caps last night at three AM "JASON STATHAM DANCING IN A BANANA HAMMOCK NOT A DRILL," and I regret immediately waking up to watch this video because that means that I was just groggy, but not actually stoned, which I definitely should have been to watch this video of Jaso…