Astrology 101: What’s Your Sign’s Crime?
We’ve covered the bad side of each sign, but what happens when those annoying traits cross over into illegal activities? With that in mind, we thought it would be fun to come up with a list of the crimes each sign would be most likely to get arrested for. Which sign has been hoarding LSD? Which sign’s been running an international crime ring? And which sign is flashing people on the corner? Find out your sign’s crime (and statement to the court) after the jump!
Aries (March 21st-April 19th): Leading a Riot. “Yeah I did it. It was awesome. I’m not even sorry.”
Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Jewel Theft. “They were just so shiny! I couldn’t help myself; I had to have them.”
Gemini (May 21st-June 20th): Treason. “Working as a double agent was what I was born to do. You can prosecute me for betraying one nation, but really I was being true to both. I’ll see you in the history books!”
Cancer (June 21st-July 22nd): Kidnapping. “I just love this child so much and know that I can raise her better than those unfit, abusive parents ever could!”
Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Indecent Exposure. “Woohoo! Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it!”
Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Leader of an International Crime Ring. “Prison walls can’t hold me down. My criminal network is expansive and impeccably organized. Haha!”
Libra (September 23rd-October 22nd): Identity Theft. “It’s no big deal–I was just trying ‘em on! Is this even really a crime?”
Scorpio (October 23rd-November 21st): Stalking. “I was driven by the deepest desires in my heart. I couldn’t stand to be away from him, and one day he will realize that we are meant to be together.”
Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Grand Theft Auto. “I just had the need…the need for speed.”
Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Embezzlement. “I plead the fifth.”
Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Civil Disobedience. “It is completely unjust for a big corporation to destroy an ancient tree for the sake of yet another new strip mall. I’ll go to my grave knowing I stood up for what was right.”
Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Possession of Hallucinogenic Drugs. “I was just trying to connect with my higher self, to get to another plane of consciousness, you know?”