“Miss Advised”: Desperation, Polyamory & So Much Goddamn Pink

Ohhhhhhh, last night’s episode of “Miss Advised” was so epically cringe-worthy that I have practically clipped the entire thing (shh, don’t tell Bravo!). And it wasn’t just Julia Allison who was providing the LULZ; Amy was fantastically bunny-boiling and Emily, who I actually think is quite likable, introduced a new friend, Polyamorous Kissing Sexpert Reid. All in all, the episode had me hiding behind a pillow, that’s how good it was. Let the crazy begin!

Let’s start with Emily, our sex radio host from San Francisco. Emily’s guest today is Reid, a polyamorous sexpert! Not to be a hater, but why do sooooo many polyamorous men look like that guy? He looks like Gary Busey’s cousin. My first instinct is that he is icky. He defines his “species” as “queer, polyamorous slut.” He makes a good point that part of the problem people have is that they fall in love with a species that’s wrong for them. He must suspect that Emily is of his species, because he invites her to participate in a kissing workshop at Good Vibrations and Emily, because she is game for anything, is like, “Sure, Alan Busey, I mean Reid, I guess I could be down for that.”

Last but not least, Julia has headed to the beach to discard some talisman of the brokenhearted that the Witch of Juicy Couture gave her. It is made of wood and Julia is shocked to discover it floats. It keeps coming ashore and she keeps tossing it in the ocean, as if its physical properties will change mid-air if she just wishes hard enough. This, actually, is kind of metaphor for Julia Allison herself, don’t you think?