Here Are TomKat Divorce Rumors That Have Us Practically Jumping On Oprah’s Couch

After watching Tom Cruise jump around on Oprah’s sofa like a complete dumbass, I think we all (well, some of us) knew his overly excessive enthusiasm for “falling in love” with Katie Holmes was a total hoax. While watching the video again of Cruise violently shaking a nervously laughing Oprah, it was obvious to many that Cruise’s firm and forceful grip on Holmes would not take hold for long. Plenty of rumors are flying about the TomKat divorce, announced this Friday — these entertaining hearsays could have you jumping on your couch, too!

  • Holmes was being paid to marry Cruise. Apparently, Katie signed a five-year contract to be married to Tom. The New York Post claims TomKat’s prenup promised Katie  $3 million per year she stayed married to Tom, with a large bonus if she had children with him. Tom also allegedly auditioned other actresses for the part, including ex-girlfriend Penelope Cruz, whose father contacted a cult support group over growing concerns about her interest in Scientology, and Sofia Vergara, who was so freaked out by Tom’s behavior that she split. Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johannson, and Jennifer Garner were also allegedly on Cruise’s radar for a new wife. [New York Post]
  • Scientology “sec checking” freaks Holmes out. Katie has no interest in allowing six-year-old Suri to be “sec checked” by the Church of Scientology, where she would be asked questions like, “Have you ever thought someone was crazy?,” or “Have you ever noticed something wrong with your body that you were afraid to tell anybody about?” [The Village Voice]
  • 33 is Cruise’s unlucky number. Tom’s three marriages – Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes – all called it quits when each woman turned 33 years old. According to Scientologists, the number 33 is known as the “Master Teacher,” representing altruism and increasing your positive energy. [The Huffington Post]
  • Holmes finds a new home. The same day of filing for divorce, Katie moved out of her NYC apartment that she shared with Tom, and is now residing in the historic Chelsea Mercantile building on Seventh Ave. [HollyScoop]
  • Scientologists have been creepin’ on Holmes hardcore. Two freaks in a white 4X4 with tinted windows were said to have been stalking Katie outside her NYC apartment, with Katie believing the Church of Scientology behind it. [Mirror]

We feel very sorry about for what Katie is going to go through, and for Suri being caught in the middle of the divorce. Here’s hoping the TomKat split is 99 percent less insane than it seems like it’s going to be.

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