This past weekend, Amelia and I, plus 15 of our friends, went tubing down the Delaware River. Tubing is about my favorite thing in the world. I consider it the best “sport” for lazy people because you can be outside and on the water, but you don’t actually have to do much. And as Amelia and I found out, you can learn a lot from tubing, the river, and hanging with friends in your skivvies.
1. Go with the flow. That refers to both the flow of the river, and the flow of life. You can’t make the river go faster or slower than it wants to go, so you might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.
2, Everything is better when you bring a cooler. Virtually every activity can be improved with a cooler full of delicious adult beverages.
3. Making new friends isn’t hard — when you’re tied to them on a tube. Don’t be afraid to bring your friend from different social circles together — people are a lot more adaptable then you think and they’ll find something in common with one another. Even if it’s just a common interest in honey whiskey.
4. If there’s a rope swing, you should probably jump off of it. Even if you’re very uncoordinated. It’ll build your confidence and make you feel really cool around boys.
5. Never be afraid to be innovative. Paddling takes two hands or else you just end up twirling in a circle. But what if one of your hands is clutching a full beer? How do you drive your tube then, huh? Amelia got in touch with her inner MacGuyver, and removed the detachable halter string from her bikini top and strung it through the tab of her Coors, creating a beer necklace that kept her brew safe and easily sip-able while she paddled.
6. Sometimes, it’s okay to leave the house without makeup. Tubing involves water, and water is the enemy of complex makeup. It’s okay to leave your house without makeup on, but if you’re really feeling insecure about it grab a big pair of sunglasses. They’ll definitely help you feel cool.
7. You can be anyone you want to be. Amelia, for example, discovered her inner Kenny Powers (of “Eastbound and Down”). Tubing a little ahead of the group getting some meditative alone time, Amelia happened upon a crew of townie jet skiers and boldly asked for a ride. Her tube was deposited on one, while she revved the throttle on another, surprising everyone when she blasted up the river, doing figure eights and hollering “Woooohoooooo, motherf**kers!” She claims this was a lifetime high point for her self-esteem.