It’s Time You Knew: No One Feels Bad For You

Last night, domestic abuser and homophobe Chris Brown got in a brawl with someone who was possibly in Drake’s entourage, supposedly over Rihanna, and he lost a bloody piece of his chin in the melee.

This morning, The New York Post reported xoJane writer Cat Marnell is leaving the blog to smoke angel dust and “write a book.” Like, she actually said that to a reporter. This is the new plan because she doesn’t want to stop using drugs, as she has been asked to do by her employer.

Then, this South African couple told the Daily Mail about how they keep an adult pet Bengal tiger inside their home as a pet and he sometimes chews up their sofas. This couple also owns several tasty-looking pet dogs.

Typically, I  have boundless reserves of empathy, if not outright sympathy, for others. But it is time for some real talk: None of these people are deserving of our sympathy. I mean, it sucks when bad things happen to people, like when your Bengal tiger eats your couch. It would suck if more bad things happened to these people, like if your pet Bengal tiger eats your dogs. But do we feel bad for these individuals for the hard knocks coming their way? No. No, we do not.

After the jump, more people we do not feel bad for at all. Not one little bit. “Unbad,” you might even say:

  1. Melissa Stetten and Brian Presley, for obvious reasons.
  2. Drama resulting from Kim Kardashian + soon-to-be-ex-husband Kris Humphries.
  3. Drama resulting from Kim Kardashian + “momager” Kris Jenner.
  4. Drama resulting from Kim Kardashian + new boyfriend Kanye West.
  5. Octomom. We have bottomless compassion for her 14 kids. But her? No.
  6. John Mayer in this pissing match with Taylor Swift.
  7. People who stand outside abortion clinics and scream at women “No mommy don’t kill me!” and then have birds shit on them.
  8. Michael Lohan
  9. Dina Lohan
  10. Drunk drivers, especially when the drunk driver in question is Lindsay Lohan.
  11. Bristol Palin in her “Life’s A Tripp” reality show when she complains about how “I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone.”
  12. Sarah Palin when everyone yelled at her for using violent political rhetoric after the Rep. Gabrielle Giffords shooting.
  13. Shia LaBeouf, for telling Details about hooking up with Megan Fox when they did “Transformers” together.
  14. Paris Hilton
  15. Tiger Woods, Rep. Anthony Weiner, Sen. John Edwards, and any other famous person and/or politician who thought everyone else was too dumb for them to ever get caught. Yeah, and that Bengal tiger is not going to eat one of the pet dogs, either.

I’m glad we got this off our chests. We feel better now. Tell us, who do you not feel bad (“unbad”) for?

Contact the author of this post at [email protected] Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman.