Women Have Bangs & Other Things The New York Times Can Tell Us

Not sure if you saw this, but according to The New York Times, the totally on-top-of-it purveyors of the latest and coolest fashion and style trends, there’s a new hairstyle that’s been making waves. It’s called bangs. Have you heard of them? They sweep across your forehead and can cover between a third and one-half of your ugly face! They’re so handy and versatile, but also so fraught!

As darling Stephanie Rosenbloom cautions in her 1,000 word missive on the subject:

“Superthick bangs look great, and everyone wants them right now,” said the stylist Alan Tosler, a founder of the Tosler Davis salon in New York. “But if you have a cowlick in your hairline, they will not work. Or if you’ve got a superlow hairline.”

Or, if you are a monkey or some other kind of simian, and your entire body is covered in hair. Then bangs will absolutely not work.

Still, Ms. Rosenbloom’s article gave us pause. After all, this isn’t the first time the Times has waxed philosophical on women’s grooming and style habits. There was also the time they heralded a clothing item called “a dress.” Perhaps you’ve heard of them?

So, because sharing is caring, we’ve decided to offer up The New York Times some potential upcoming style section articles. We realize we might have a bit of an advantage, being that we’re ladies with vaginas who are also writers, but we’re confident that these stories — which generally focus on banal concepts common to all humanity, or trends that are six to nine years passed — will absolutely fit in with the Times approach to covering style and fashion.

  • Towering Beauty: Women Wear High Heels To Appear Taller
  • After Months Of Growing, Women Have Long Hair Again
  • In The Summer Months, Women Don Shorts To Put Fabric Between Their Legs
  • Suddenly Socks: Everyone Is Sporting Socks In Shoes For Fall
  • Slim Pickings: Skinny Jeans Are Making A Comeback
  • Beards Are Back: Hip Young Men Experimenting With Facial Hair
  • Online Dating: Will It Catch On?
  • Puppy Love: The Internet Proves Kittens, Puppies Tug at Women’s Heart Strings
  • “Chick Lit” Rules At The Beach — And In The Bedroom
  • Lighten Up: Women Choose Partial Highlights Instead Of All Over Color
  • Nailing It: More Women Are Painting Their Nails — But What Color Reigns Supreme?
  • Wax On, Wax Off: Women Eschew Razors For The Waxer’s Pull
  • Panty Raid: After a season gone commando, women are putting their panties back on.
  • Seeing Stars: Women Now Reading Horoscopes To Predict the Future

These are our entries, but really, anyone can write a New York Times trend story — simply think of something that’s entirely ubiquitous and not trendy at all, and write a headline extolling how you “discovered” it! Feel free to leave some for us in the comments!