So many acts of cannibalism. So many of them involving bath salts. It can only mean one thing: The Zombie Apocalypse is up on us. My survival skills are pathetic, so I’ve mapped out all of the recent cases involving flesh-eating to determine where I should go to seek cover. Random acts of cannibalism seem to be moving from the south up the Eastern Seaboard with one isolated incident in Los Angeles (possibly). Save yourself! Go to Portland! Legend after the jump.
A. The latest! Lowpel Davis of New Haven, Connecticut bit a wig store owner’s arm and spat it back in his face. If you look at her mug shot, I think you might agree … the woman looks like the living dead.
B. Carl Jacquneaux of Lafayette Parish, Louisiana bit his neighbor’s face while high on bath salts. Yay bath salts! Kidding, of course.
C. Rudy Eugene of Miami, Florida was shot by authorities when he wouldn’t stop eating a homeless man’s face. This one was due to mental illness and marijuana use.
D. Alexander Kinyua, a student at Morgan State University in Baltimore Maryland killed his roommate and devoured parts of his heart and brain. If that’s not zombie behavior, I don’t know what is.
E. Technically apprehended in Germany, but from Canada (close enough, eh?), porn star Luka Magnotta dismembered his boyfriend, possibly eating him and mailing the body parts. Authorities think the crime may have been committed in Los Angeles. Involvement of bath salts is still undetermined.