If there’s any deeper message to be extracted from “Love In The Wild,” which premieres tonight 9/8c on NBC, it’s that you don’t want to get stuck in a snake pit with a crap ass partner. Teamwork is key on the dating competition show, in which single men and women pair off into couples and compete for a trip around the world – finding a partner that can be trusted to be loyal is the best chance they have to at achieving victory in the end (and finding love to boot). The same can be said of long-term relationships in the real world. The nice thing about competing in life-threatening challenges is that a person reveals their true colors right away. These things are not quite as easy to discern at a wine bar as they are when bungee jumping off a mountain. But there are clues that you can pay attention to that will let you know if he’s the kind of guy you’d want to go kayaking through the rain forest with … or endure a weekend at his parents’ together. Equally as dangerous! After the jump, some signs that he won’t be a great partner — “Love in the Wild” contestants, take notes!
1. You tell him you’re sick and he doesn’t offer to bring you soup or check up on you the next day to see how you’re feeling. God forbid you really needed serious taking care of, you wouldn’t want to have to rely on him.
2. He forgets stories you tell him about your friends and family. So he either has a listening problem or isn’t invested in learning about the things that are important to you. Either way, Meh.
3. He is hard to reach, always losing his phone, or gets back to you inconsistently. Cross him off the list as your emergency contact.
4. When you’re upset, he doesn’t know how to comfort you and just shuts down. Considering there are going to be countless moments in your life where you’ll need your partner to be there for you emotionally, this is not a positive portend.
5. All the plants in his apartment are dead. As a plant lover, I find this egregious. At the very least, anyone can keep a cactus alive.
6. He never makes any plans for the two of you and just expects you to come up with all the ideas. Eventually this will get old, especially if you have kids together.
7. He gets himself a drink or a bite to eat but doesn’t ask if you want something. A sign that he’s not attuned to your needs. He probably doesn’t notice when you’re cold either.
8. He spells your name wrong. There’s no excuse for this.
9. He doesn’t think about you in big decisions he makes — like where he’s going to move next, or whether or not to get a pet you’re allergic to. Translation, he’s not thinking about you being part of his life in the long term.
10. If you tell him something that is bothering you or ask him to change his behavior, he twists it around to make it seem like it’s your problem. Resolving issues with this person will be like chasing your tail for all eternity.
11. He is irresponsible with money, but refuses to change his ways. This will become a big problem if you’re ever trying to make a large purchase together.
12. He has a treatable problem, such as depression or OCD, but refuses to seek treatment. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be the best person they can be? You don’t even need to answer because I know what you’ll say.
13. He makes condescending comments about women getting fat and haggard when they are older. It will sure be fun to grow old with him!
This post is sponsored by NBC’s “Love in the Wild,” don’t miss the two-hour season premiere tonight at 9/8c. but the advice given by the author is totally legit.