The Good, The Bad & The WTF: Dating Advice “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger Dispenses Over Twitter

One afternoon this week, I was putzing around on Twitter, procrastinating on work, when a tweet from Patti Stanger, the star of “Millionaire Matchmaker,” caught my eye. “Part of acting like a lady involves allowing him to be a gentleman,” she tweeted.

Hmmm, I thought. That’s just good advice. Then I thought about it for a second. Wait. What does that even mean? It sounds like a riddle. The more I thought about it, the less it made sense and the more it seemed to be zen koan-like thought farts. 

Patti Stanger’s Twitter feed is filled with these thought farts. Like her Bravo show  “Millionaire Matchmaker,” she offers a melange of useful observations on dating and relationships, mixed with some truly reactionary, fucked-up advice that seeks to corral both men and women into normative gender role behavior. (In fact, we’ve debunked some of this fucked up-edness before.) Let me be clear: if people want to choose that normative gender role behavior himself or herself, that’s great. I choose it a lot of the time myself, in fact. But it’s not ethical to teach people their most successful strategy for finding love is to squeeze yourself into a box and follow the sexist script. 

After the jump, let’s debunk some of Patti Stanger’s advice over Twitter … the good, the bad, and the truly WTF.


“Don’t rule out the techno nerds from the electronics show, or the sci-fi or comics guy.” 

Very true! Geeks are very sweet. 

“Always be prompt and never make him wait more than 10 minutes.” 

Yup. That’s just courtesy.

“Single men do not go on cruise ships.” 

It is really their loss. There is a lot of pussy waiting for a dude willing to reenact that scene from “Titanic.” 

“Phone behavior sabotages more budding relationships than just about anything else.” 

So true. Alas, this one requires more explanation than can fit into 140 characters. Did she mean phone behavior on a date, like sexting your ex during dinner? Or she did mean “text-lationships,” i.e. those losers who can’t just pull the trigger to ask each other out so they text “hey whats up” back and forth until someone finally ignores the other person? She probably meant both.

“Dating a pair & a spare always ensures you are in the driver’s seat. A girl can’t have too many options!” 

True, although I myself prefer an heir and a spare. Specifically Prince Hot Ginge. 

“A man with a strong sense of providership may not be rich, but he’ll find ways to spoil you.” 

Totally true! So it’s unfortunate Patti quasi-contradicts this advice by simultaneously advising women to get four dates out of a guy before she “gives” him something in return.


“Men LOVE a woman that can cook. Take a class if you don’t know how.” 

People love people who can cook. The problem with saying “men” is there’s a cultural precedent of men who LOVE to be waited on hand and foot. It could also be said that men LOVE a woman who scours toilet grime. Men LOVE a woman who washes loads of other people’s sweaty gym socks. This is why women LOVE feminism.

“Sushi bars are a good place to meet men, one of the few places they’ll sit down and eat alone.” 

This sounds like good advice, Patti, but beware: No one looks attractive doing the “sashimi mouth-stuff.” You know, that thing where you awkwardly try to fit a piece of  fish into your mouth with chopsticks without dripping soy sauce down your shirt? Or maybe it’s just me that doesn’t look attractive doing that.

“Want your man to get a slip n’ slide chest? Then threading is the answer. Men you thread, women you wax.” 

Unless we are talking about the occasional eyebrow waxing, this woman says “FUCK NO.”

“Female & successful? That does not mean you lead with your money. Men need to pay on the date, if not they will take you for granted,”  “No woman wants to be a man! If you go dutch, there is no romance,” and “Real men expect nothing from a woman other than her sweet company, if you are mad over the 4:1 rule, you lack chivalry.”

Look, I love chivalry. I love it. I live in an expensive city and I am po’. But ladies, you are closing yourself off to a lot of sweet, smart, lovely guys if you are only open to going on dates with the ones who can afford to pay for every date he goes on … or even every first date he goes on. Dating can get expensive!  Give a guy a chance even if he goes dutch on the first date. And let’s not even go there with the comments about what does and does not make “real men,” okay? 


“Women fall in love on the date, and men fall in love after the date.” 

Another zen koan thought fart. What does this even mean?  

“A good woman will signal a man to come to her.” 

Signal how? Come hither looks? Morse code? Sonar? 

“4:1 Rule: every four times he takes you out, do something nice for him.”

…. she’s talking about butt sex, right?

“Men fall in love through their eyes, and women fall in love through their ears.”

Not even dignifying this one with a response, y’all.

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