Field Guide: Riff Raff The Rapper

If you are reading the Internet right now, which you are, you’ve probably heard a bit of hullabaloo surrounding a rap character named Riff Raff. Up until a couple of days ago, I thought Riff Raff was cartoon cat Heathcliff’s pesky nemesis. And I was right! But also wrong, because the Riff Raff people are freaking out about is actually a guy named Jody Christian. Annnnd you might have seen him before, if you are an incurable fan of reality TV.

That’s because Jody Christian was a contestant on “From Gs to Gents,” that weird MTV show where P. Diddy’s butler dude Farnsworth Bentley tried to turn the lives of some hardcore ne’erdowells around. Good luck with that.

Anyway. So, Riff Raff. He’s a rapper. And he’s just been signed to Diplo’s (one half of Major Lazer) Mad Decent label. To celebrate, Diplo bought him a $45,000 chain in the shape of a Slurpee. Also, he has lots of brand tattoos on his body, including an MTV tattoo and a six-inch BET tattoo. Yup.

People just love watching this guy, though. His videos, the most famous of which is called BAD BiTCH STRiPPER – PART I, mostly feature the rapper rambling on about crap or showing off. People often question his authenticity. Is his accent, his look and his attitude all an act, or is this guy for real? Is this just some crazy performance art? I’m inclined to believe that Riff Raff is entirely real. And that’s what’s so scary about him. He reminds me of rapper Lil’ Kevin, a guy Sweet Dee briefly dates on “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,” before dumping him because she thinks he might actually be mentally retarded. Or a character out of the Mike Judge movie “Idiocracy.”

“Idiocracy” predicts a future in which smart people stop reproducing, leaving only stupid people to repopulate the earth. As this happens, we end up with a world that gets progressively dumber and dumber. Eventually, the U.S. is run by a former American Gladiator and farmers stop watering their crops and instead start treating them with a sugary chemical drink called Brawndo. Not surprisingly, all the crops die and the future of the population is in peril. Riff Raff is straight out of that scary future.

Or maybe I’m just a terrible misanthrope and can’t enjoy a good thing when I see it.