9 Reasons Not To Date A Mama’s Boy

If you want a girl to be your mother / go find another, go find another one

So sang the band Elizabeth and the Catapult. Truer words were never spoken. Alas, mama’s boys don’t exactly ring your doorbell and announce themselves. They get you hook, line and sinker with their great relationship with their mom. Then you see he’s fielding phone calls from Mom at all hours of the days or night. Then you realize he can’t make decisions about real-life stuff because he’s so used to her making all those decisions for him. When he keeps his mouth shut while she criticizing you for your arrabiata recipe/housecleaning/haircut, you realize you’re screwed. So. Screwed.

This Mother’s Day, be good to your mama, but stay away those mama’s boys. After the jump, nine reasons to steer clear!

  1. He prioritizes what his mom wants over what he wants or what you want. All. The Damn. Time.
  2. He will expect you to do everything she did for him, like his laundry and packing his lunch.
  3. He’ll spend more of his free time on weekends with his mother  “fixing her dishwasher”  than with you.
  4. He will side with his mother on everything.
  5. He always remembers her birthday. But your anniversary? Not so much.
  6. He’s not so good at making decisions because she’s always made them for him.
  7. He’s used to being babied, so he gets all bent out of shape when things don’t’ go his way.
  8. He’s susceptible to manipulation. Not just from her, but from anyone in a position of relative power, like his boss or friends.
  9. She might end up going on the honeymoon with you. True story. It happened to a friend of someone the Frisky staff! (They’re divorced now.)

Any therapist will tell you, mommy issues run deep. Take it from one who knows — that would be moi — kick his diaper-covered butt to the curb faster than you can say “Bunny McDougal.”

Contact the author of this post at [email protected] Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman.

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