You can say a lot of things about sex with a Frisky girl, but one thing you can’t say is that we’re stingy. Nope, we’re like Oprah on her “My Favorite Things” episode only with, uh, blowjobs.
However, we are not always so fortunate with the gentlemen with whom we choose to share our beds. I know this will come as a complete shock to you, but there’s some greedy, selfish lovers out there who just take-take-take and then roll over and fall asleep. There’s nothing sadder than a snoring man in your bed and you’re getting yourself off with your vibrator. Nope, not even doggies without legs.
We polled our ladyfriends on this startling phenomenon and here’s the true-life tales of selfish lovers past:
- He eats the olives out of your martini without asking.
- He fingers you and then complains about how his hand hurts.
- Spanks himself and/or plays with his own nipples while fucking you. (It’s fine if that’s what he needs to get off, but you should get some kind of advance warning that you’re just going to be lying there.)
- He refuses to go down on you.
- He will go down on you, but only if you’re as bare down there as a couple of chicken cutlets.
- Your head is banging against his bed frame and he doesn’t notice.
- He complains, long and loud, about how he haaaaaates condoms and you should just let him “put the tip in.” (It’s a trick! Don’t do it!)
- The only move he has is “jackhammer.”
- He’s one of those ridiculously attractive people living inside a Bubble (CC “30 Rock”) and is unaccustomed to having to make an effort to please anyone, ever.
- He’s a bad tipper. Someone who works hard appreciates hard work.
- He has to ask “Have you come yet?”
- He has to ask “Have you come yet?” more than once.
- He thinks he knows the location of the clitoris. And he is so, so, so wrong.
Any other surefire signs he’s a selfish lover? Leave them in the comments!
Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman.