We can’t hide it. We won’t deny it. We are fascinated, strangely fascinated, with Tanning Mom, the New Jersey mother who was arrested for child endangerment for allegedly taking her her five-year-old to the tanning salon. We frankly aren’t sure if she suffers from body dysmorphia of some sort (likely) or she’s just an elaborate ruse a la fellow tanning aficianado Courtney Stodden.
But either way, Patricia Krentcil leaves us with a lot of questions.
We need to know:
- How exactly did she go from “Pauly D” to “blackface” so quickly? We suspect copious amounts of self-tanner sprayed directly onto the face, but we aren’t sure.
- What is her natural skin tone? Did she once look like her adorable, fair-skinned, redheaded daughter?
- Why does she do the tattooed lip liner as well? Isn’t that a lot of look?
- Where does her tanning money comes from?
- And all her time for tanning? Like, how does she manage to get the “G” and “L” part of GTL done?
- Is this woman MARRIED?!?! What is the husband’s deal?!
- Has anyone at the tanning salon ever told her “Nah, you’re good”?
- Does she moisturize?
- Can she sweat?
- Does she ever use those tanning stickers of the dolphins that tell you have far your tan has come?
- Who is her tan-spiration? Who does she have on her vision board?
- Does she know Octomom?
Get well soon, Tanning Mom.
