We talk a lot about online dating here at The Frisky, and have offered you a wealth of advice on how to write your profile, choose your photos, and suss out the potential of your various matches. So I’m sure it comes as a complete shock to learn that my profile is far from perfect. It’s well-written and funny, but there are a few areas in which I have been less than totally honest. Let’s take a look at five exaggerations or “untruths” (“lies” sounds too sneaky!) from my online dating profile, shall we?
Exaggeration: “Yoga” is one of the six things I could never do without and I’ve described myself as “fit.”
Truth: I go through phases where I go to yoga, like, twice a week, but the last time I went through that phase, the White Stripes were still together. I do like to ride my bike. It’s an easy way to get to Whole Foods five blocks away if I don’t feel like walking.
If I Was Being Really Honest: Sometimes I have to take a break while putting my hair in a sock bun because my arms are tired.
Exaggeration: On a “typical Friday night” I am out “catching some live music.”
Truth: Going to see a band play was totally a typical Friday night for Amelia … in 2005. Ahhh, those were the days…
If I Was Being Really Honest: I spend most Friday nights having a bottle of wine with my good friends Dana, Valerie and Rachel. I call them DVR for short.
Exaggeration: A photo of me holding a surfboard over my head (left) with the caption “the ocean is my friend!”
Truth: The ocean is my friend. But the photo implies that I surf. I have surfed. For one week in Costa Rica, when that photo was taken. I was really great at wiping out, which is what real surfers call FALLING OFF YOUR BOARD BECAUSE YOU SUCK.
If I Was Really Being Honest: I would have posted another photo from that day, where I’m sitting on the beach picking my feet (right).
Exaggeration: My hobbies include “cooking,” “learning to play the ukulele,” and “writing.”
Truth: I mean, is writing really a hobby if that’s what I get paid to do? I am “noodling” a book, but I haven’t actually worked on it for six months. As for my ukelele, it’s purely decorative, like the stack of New Yorkers and Vanity Fairs on my coffee table. I like to cook, but it’s mostly so I can, you know, eat. Although I did take a scone baking class this weekend, so I guess that’s not a lie.
If I Was Really Being Honest: My new favorite pastime is adding photos to my Pinterest boards while taking bubble baths and listening to the soothing rhythms of Alice Coltrane.
Exaggeration: I answered the question “Would you date a smoker?” with a “Yes.”
Truth: I wouldn’t NOT date someone simply because they are a smoker, but I would really, really prefer it if they didn’t smoke. I don’t find smoking all that disgusting, although I think it’s polite to mask at least some of the smell/taste before we make out with gum or a breath mint or a good teeth brushing.
If I Was Really Being Honest: “If you are cool and cute and smart and awesome and treat me nice and we have awesome chemistry, and you happen to smoke, I will still totally date you. But, like, six months in, after we’ve said ‘I love you’ and have met each others’ family and friends, I would start to nag you about your smoking, not because I am a nag, but because I don’t want you to die first. I want to die first. That should really be the question: ‘Do you want to die first?’ YES. But it would be cool if you died a few days after me — of sadness, not of lung cancer — so I don’t get lonely in heaven.”