Your Friskyscopes For The Week Of April 30-May 6, 2012

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Give it up if any of your relationships are getting to be a drag. Admit when you have been barking up the wrong tree and know you deserve more. Otherwise, as you fall deeper into the rabbit hole, you’ll be getting more and more in touch with your dark side, which can cause irreparable damage. So, save yourself to save the world around you too.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): People who are trying to placate your kindness don’t know who they’re messing with. So, time to school them with your method of manipulation, making them wonder which way is up and which way is down. That’s right, no more Miss Apple Pie, because if they’re going to hate you, have it be for more than just being beautiful — but for being a bitch too!

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Show your dominance and get your release. After all, you’ve worked hard to get where you are and if you can’t own it, then what’s the point? People will always have their jealousies, but for you to be compassionate while they’re robbing you of your moment in the sun? No, no, no, this is your party and you do have the right to smack anyone crying about it.

Leo (July 23-August 22): Home heartaches can get messy, as you may see your baby resort to passive aggressive cries for attention around the house. Yes, this could be the side of your boo that all your friends warned you about, but whatever. To each their own – you’ll happen to find helpless little creatures are just your thing this week.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): Don’t let another’s words haunt you, because they really aren’t as smart or threatening as you’re making them out to be. Sure, they can intimidate and play with your head, but understand you can play back and just as rough, as you have way the brain power to mess with them in a way that can cause real damage. So yeah, if they want to go there…

Libra (September 23-October 22): If you want to listen to sad songs and feel the romance of tragedy, go for it. After all, we all need to hit a bit of rock bottom to propel back into full working order. So, go ahead, play the baby, and throw yourself a glorious pity party, because by the time you’re done, you’ll probably want to turn up the music and dance!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): Break off from the pack and go out on a limb to find something more dangerous than what you experience day-to-day. Yes, this is when you really need to light a fire under your ass and get moving. This is not only for your own sense of current preservation, but ultimately for your momentum, which is in dire need of way more juice.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): The past is like junk in your closet that you can always pull out and play with when you want. Although it’ll make you crazy, sometimes it’s too hard to resist and the only way to get it out of your system is to gorge. It’s not like you feel this nostalgic every day, so if it strikes, why not? Besides, if not this, something else will make you feel just as crazy too, so just feed your craving.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): You know shady people are everywhere, but it’s even more distressing when you don’t even see them coming. So, keep an extra eye open on the people around you. While you’ll have some show you more loyalty than you’d expect, the one or two that turn their backs will shock you — and unfortunately, it may cause you to question humanity this week.

Aquarius (January 20-February 19): Being nice is awesome, but totally ineffective now. Instead, whip out the darkest side to you and rule your world with an iron fist — which will also mean rectifying what you really believe and will fight for. When you do, you’ll be guaranteed that other will think you’re hotter than ever and it’ll make them want to do you over and over again. Instead of giving in, make them beg!

Pisces (February 20-March 20): If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is — but miracles happen and if you believe hard enough, you never know when they will appear. Sometimes unconditional support is all you need to unlock your truest potential. So, accept what you get and give it back in return, as this week, the impossible may just no longer be that.

Aries (March 21-April 19): You’ll be feeling insatiable, so watch out for anyone that gets in your way of getting any. Lucky for those that do meet up with you now though, as you ’ll be performing at champion levels, even shocking and amazing you. Yes, times like these you will wonder why you aren’t in the porn industry.