Channing Tatum In “Magic Mike” Is The Single Greatest Threat To My Love For Ryan Gosling

You guys, I need to talk about something. Something I’ve been keeping inside for far too long. I hope you won’t judge me, that you’ll hear me out and offer your support.

I think maybe, just maybe, Channing Tatum has a shot at becoming my Number One Dream Celebrity Boyfriend. That’s right. Ryan Gosling, you’re in trouble. 

See, this past weekend, I watched “The Vow.” I loved it. That was my first clue that something was terribly wrong. (The first real warning sign, looking back, was that I saw “Dear John” in the theaters — twice!) When I was in Ryan Gosling Rehab, I sought comfort in Channing Tatum’s incredibly muscular chest. I thought it was just a fling. Oh, he’s hot, for sure, I thought. But he’s not the kind of guy you settle down with in your imagination. He’s good for a couple totally fictional romps in the sack. But Gosling is forever. 

And then I saw the trailer for “Magic Mike,” the Steven Soderbergh movie about a male stripper, loosely based on Channing’s own life, and, well, I found myself thinking, Ryan who? Channing, take me to Pleasure Town! I know. I KNOW. But seriously, the moment Channing is dancing on stage? Hotter than all 1.5 hours of “Drive.” 

This is certainly not a done deal. Channing hasn’t hooked me yet. It’s still early and new and I’ve invested too much time into my fictional relationship with Ryan to just throw in the towel. Besides, Channing and I are in the honeymoon phase, and you know how quickly things can change once the going gets tough. “Magic Mike” might suck, or the Gos may do another movie where he gives a woman oral sex, or he could rescue a kitten from a tree or something, who knows? All I know is I couldn’t keep these confusing emotions inside for a moment longer. I had to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.