Maybe it’s because it’s spring, and everybody’s winter relationships are disintegrating, but I’ve been seeing an awful lot of crying girls shouting into their phones on the street lately. Is this a thing? The unbridled dramatics with which people’s lives seem to be falling apart in the past couple of weeks make me think that everybody could use a dose or two of good advice (and um, maybe some good waterproof mascara). So I’ve assembled The Frisky staff’s top bits of all-weather advice, starting with my own fave: “The biggest mistake you can make is thinking that an impermanent feeling or situation will be permanent.” That was said to me by my friend Dustin who was told that by his very wise mom. It basically means, bad feelings and situations will pass and you won’t always feel this way. You just have to give yourself time. Remember that the next time you want to murderball someone while sobbing out your guts on the corner of Lexington and 40th, okay? More wise words, after the jump.
From Amelia: A guy I know once told me: “When you are unhappy and ‘hunting,’ it shows and then you simply get what you always got — nothing. You are too busy searching for it in between random f**k sessions to even look for it correctly.” Which was basically his way of saying that when you aren’t focused on what you really want and deserve, you’ll be too distracted to see it when it comes along. Which I think is true.
Also, one of the biggest pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from my therapist is not to submit completely to fantasy — about the future, about what someone else is thinking about me, about what someone else is doing, but to focus on how *I* feel in the moment, when I am with that person. Anything else isn’t real.
From Ami: “The negative things other people say to you have more to do with them than they have to do with you. So consider the source.” This advice was give to me by one of my acting teachers, Martha. Actually, I was the one who said something negative to someone else and she called me out and said, “That has more to do with you than it does to do with her.” She was right.
From Jessica, by way of former President Calvin Coolidge: “Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
From Winona: My mom has always told me, “Trust your gut.” I often question myself or hesitate when making decisions, even though deep down I already know the answer. Those three little words are all it takes to give me clarity and move me to action.
My other favorite piece of advice is similar to the sentiment of Julie’s and it’s a quote from Buddhist nun Pema Chodron: “Everything is always groundless. If we know that, and befriend that, then happiness is possible.”
From Rachel: I seriously can’t recall being given, like, any advice. Probably “get good grades so you can go to a good college,” which I obviously did not take to heart. I tend towards the neurotic and over-indulge my thoughts and anxieties to the point of panic, and I have always found my father very calmly telling me to “stop thinking” very helpful.