Happy National Pet Day! In honor of this momentous holiday, author Anna David — her Kindle single, Animal Attraction (about being a crazy cat lady), is a must-read — has penned this list of 20 reasons why sharing a bed with a cat is better than sharing it with a man.
1. No inappropriate confessions/dirty talk if they’ve had too much to drink.
2. No possibility their cell phones will ring and wake you up.
3. Bored senseless by Internet porn; thus not dying to give you the money shot.
4. Will immediately stop making any noise in the morning if you simply put some canned food in a dish in front of them.
5. Don’t want to know how many other cats you’ve slept with.
6. You don’t have to wonder how many other humans they’ve slept with.
7. Not mad if you can’t sleep and turn on the light.
8. When they paw you, it’s not to get you to have sex just when you’ve fallen asleep.
9. Though always fishy, their breath somehow never has that telltale morning stink.
10. If they pick the side of the bed they want, you simply move them. No argument. No discussion.
11. Physically incapable of stealing the covers.
12. Can curl their bodies into a circle and lie on top of you. Yes, Verne Troyer could do that too but then you’d have to share a bed with Verne Troyer.
13. No “Can you turn the light/TV/vibrator off?” questions. No passive aggressive dirty looks meant to convey the same questions, either.
14. Don’t make you feel like you’ve over-shared if you’ve spontaneously confessed how much you love them.
15. If they snore, it’s in all likelihood the most adorable sound you’ve ever heard.
16. Don’t judge the fact that you like to fall asleep watching DVR’d episodes of The Real Housewives.
17. Aren’t afraid of commitment.
18. Don’t mind showing you how much they need you.
19. Don’t secretly think Courtney Stodden or Meghan McCain is hot.
20. A purr is the best sleeping aid on earth.
Pick up Anna David’s Kindle Single, Animal Attraction, here!