Each month, Sparkology.com, a quality-driven, luxury dating site for young professionals, asks a curated panel of dating experts for their advice on a single hot topic as requested by our members.
THIS MONTH: “Is there a good way to say ‘Thanks, but I’m not interested’ to someone that messaged you? How can you respond without making it awkward?”
Check out how the dating experts responded after the jump.
“In online dating world, even moderately attractive or seemingly successful members are showered with adoration as if they were celebrities. Saying “no thanks” to every person who happens to wink your way seems rather tedious. If you’re not interested, just don’t respond. You don’t know them personally, and you’re certainly not the only one they probably copy/pasted that message to. Love is a crap shoot. Users should focus more on attracting other members of similar core values rather than coddling those they’re just not that into.” — Maria Avgitidis, Owner of Agape Match, a matchmaking firm based in NYC, which caters to New Yorkers and Greek- American singles.
“First rule of thumb: Always be gracious and honest! No need for lies and avoidance. If you’ve had a date or met in person: ’I really enjoyed meeting you and think you’re terrific, but I just don’t think we have that chemistry/connection that I know we’re both looking for. I wish you all the best and appreciate the time we spent getting to know one another.’” — April Beyer, Matchmaker and Dating & Relationship Coach for Women.
“You should always treat others, as you would like to be treated yourself. While this sounds so cliché, it definitely applies in this situation. Never ignore someone. It’s always best to just be up front and honest with them in a nice way. Start off with saying something positive (i.e. s/he is really a great person, has a lot going for him/her, etc.), and then just say that you don’t feel there was a connection or chemistry. While his/her ego may be bruised initially, trust me in the long run s/he will appreciate and respect you for it, because you didn’t leave him/her hanging.” — Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker & Dating Coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette.
“You’re great but I can’t see us as more than friends. Who knows maybe we can hook up our friends and see what happens! I have some hot single ones.” — David Wygant, Dating Coach.
“There is no “good” way, because you can’t control how another person will feel. So either say nothing (you don’t even know this person – you are not obligated to respond), or simply say, ‘I don’t think we’re a match, but thanks for the email.’ I think it’s important to note, though, that rejection can be a good thing! If I hadn’t been told ‘I’m not interested’ by various men I’ve liked over the years, I wouldn’t have found the love of my life. I owe all those men a huge ‘thanks, I’m GLAD you weren’t interested!’” — Neely Steinberg, dating and relationship columnist.
“Don’t break up with someone before you’ve even said hello. Unless your match writes a particularly long and thought-out message based on your profile, there’s no need to respond. Engaging in conversation brings false hope and opens the door for a negative conversation about why you’re not interested. If you do feel the need to respond, keep it simple: thank, decline, wish well. Thank them for the message, mention you don’t think that you’re the right ‘match,’ and of course, end by wishing them well.” — Laurie Davis, Online Dating Coach and founder of EflirtExpert.