In yet another blow to their species (and their dignity), two pandas at the Edinburgh Zoo refused to “do sex” this week and gift the world with a baby panda. Female panda bears only ovulate once a year, so the pressure was on for Sweetie and Sunshine, who had a 36 hour window to get it in. Zookeepers respectfully turned off the zoo’s public “pandacam” to give the bears some privacy and opened the zoo’s “love tunnel” between their separate enclosures to encourage romance. Things seemed promising when that filthy little minx Sweetie “called out incessantly” to her lover, as us ladies are wont to do, and pressed her nose and paws up against a grate. (There’s video here and it’s safe for work, but rather indignifying.)
Thinking she was DTF, Sunshine mounted his lover. But instead of getting it in, all that happened was some lame-o panda “wrestling.” The Edinburgh Zoo’s director of research and conservation attributed their failure to fumbling like awkward virgins. “Although both have bred before and have borne cubs with other pandas, they are both still relatively inexperienced,” he said. “We are hugely encouraged by how much the natural sparks flew between the two animals, as like humans, not all male and female pandas are attracted to each other.”
You should be ashamed of yourself, Sunshine. MVP would have never let this happen.
Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter at @JessicaWakeman.