7 Ingredients We Would Add To The Tim Tebow Sandwich

New York City’s famous Carnegie Deli recently unveiled the “Jet Bow” sandwich, an edible ode to new New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow. The sandwich is a massive 4-pound stack of pastrami, corned beef, roast beef, lettuce, tomatoes, mayo, and American cheese between four slices of white bread. The recipe definitely delivers the message about Tebow being an “all-American boy,” but we don’t think it gives the full picture. After all, Tebow is an evangelical, extremely conservative, pro-life, waiting-til-marriage, abstinence-only advocate. After the jump, a list of ingredients Carnegie Deli forgot…. [People Magazine]

1. A knee pad for “Tebowing” before you eat it. Even non-religious folks will probably want to say a quick prayer before ingesting 4 lbs. of deli meats.

2. A hearty serving of self-righteousness. Can be substituted for or served in addition to mayonnaise.

3. A law that says if a woman orders a Tebow sandwich she must eat the entire thing and carry it to full term. There is no right to choose when it comes to the Tebow sandwich.

4. Mashed up birth control pills. So you never have an unwanted pregnancy, EVER. But if you ever do have one, well, good luck with that.

5. An official endorsement from Focus on the Family. This is James Dobson’s favorite sandwich, you guys.

6. A hymen. That must remain intact no matter how much a mature, independent adult might wish to enjoy the sandwich. If you love the sandwich so much why don’t you marry it? Actually maybe you should, because then you would be allowed to go all the way.

7. A rumored relationship with The Taylor Swift Sandwich. Ingredients in the Taylor Swift Sandwich include sequins and eternal happiness. Most customers agree The Taylor Swift Sandwich could do way better.