Angelina Jolie’s Kids Don’t Brush Their Teeth, Smell Like Johnny Depp

According to OK! Magazine’s expose on Angelina Jolie’s “bad parenting,” her household is the equivalent of a “an absolute zoo.” “Insiders,” whomever they may be, feel that we should be very concerned about the health, hygiene and safety of the Jolie-Pitt brood. The outlandish accusations after the jump.

“The kids are all goofed up on sugar and after Shiloh has five cookies in a row and Maddox downs his third orange Fanta, it’s crazy hour. That’s what we call it: Crazy Hour. Toys fly. Kids melt down into tantrums. There’s fighting, it’s just a zoo … The kids eat fast food every day, doughnuts for breakfast … Shiloh’s a sugar addict, screaming when she’s cut off. … Angelina does not insist the kids brush every day or wash hands before meals … They bathe whenever they want, which is not often. Brad’s friends say that his kids smell like Johnny Depp … Angelina lets the boys play with guns, rifles, though they are unloaded and some are just toys, others are real and pricey antiques — they’re the ones the boys use to pretend kill the staff … Apparently, Angie actually thinks it’s funny when her kids pretend to shoot people. She laughs out loud. A lot of people think she and Brad need to put a stop to it, but that’s not likely to happen.”

Come on now! Gossip mags are officially cut off from making up stories about this family. I’m not sure which part is most ludicrous — that Angelina doesn’t support dental hygiene or that her kids smell like Johnny Depp. What? I know Johnny has a reputation for being stinky, but really? No. Wait. My favorite part is the phrase “all goofed up on sugar.” I’m going to steal that. Leave the poor Jolie-Pitts alone to run their zoo as they see fit. [Celebitchy]