If Pinterest Was Real: A Cautionary Poem

I love Pinterest, but sometimes browsing through all the bright, shiny pictures and endless tips and tutorials feels like exploring a different world–a world where thighs don’t touch and every meal is cooked in a crockpot and served in a mason jar with a ribbon tied around it. The best way to describe the weird, wacky, wonderful world of Pinterest? In a poem, of course…

If Pinterest was real, the whole world would be shiny,
no thighs would touch, every waist would be tiny.
There’d be no time to sleep and no time to rest,
while we try 50 new ways to cook chicken breasts.

We’d use proper technique to chop all our onions,
our boyfriends would dress like urban Paul Bunyans,
the walls of our bedrooms say “Live, Laugh, Love,”
and our black sequin miniskirts fit like a glove.

We’d all follow strict workout plans to stay lean,
and use vinegar to keep our homes spotlessly clean.
We’d eat cookie-stuffed brownies and never gain weight,
we’d buy Chanel purses and never pay the rent late.

We could make macarons our very first try,
no dress is too fancy, no heel is too high.
Every outfit is stylish and perfectly posed,
every girl can french braid with her smoky eyes closed.

Makeup and hair tips are carefully taught,
and who needs an oven when you have a crockpot?
We’d make beautiful crafts to display on the shelf.
Like my necklace? Why thank you, I made it myself.

In Pinterest world everything’s pretty and nice,
but remember perfection always comes with a price:
manicures never chip and tights never run,
but in real life this world wouldn’t be any fun.