Beauty Test Drive: Bob Harper’s Smart 7-Day Cleanse, A Pooper’s Paradise

Look guys, I’m going to start out with a disclaimer, which is to say, we all know cleanses and shortcuts other than eating healthy and exercise are not going to really help you lose weight. However! This bitch is always looking for a shortcut. And so when a PR rep offered to send along samples of Noted Weight Loss Expert and “Biggest Loser” Yeller Extraordinaire Bob Harper’s new line of slimming products, I was like I am so going to do this.

Bob Harper’s Smart 7-Day Cleanse isn’t a typical juicy-juice eat-lots-of-kale-til-you-turn-green cleanse program that involves completely changing everything in your life and giving over to the higher power of the food processor. No, it involves taking six veggie caps per day and eating three regular balanced meals. What are those veggie caps packed with? Well, Senna. Senna, which you can, to be honest, also find in a lot of “slimming teas,” acts as a laxative and appetite suppressant. But oh man, it is powerful. You will poop if you take it. And you will poop a lot.

The idea is that you take this cleanse before you get really going on your exercise and weight loss regiment. That way you’re not carrying around extra crap — literally. So how was it?

Price/Availability: $11.99

Formula: Like I said, the main ingredient in this stuff is Senna, which will make you poop more, and help you “increase the amount of digestive waste” you’re eliminating, as the box says. It also comes packed with Acai, which is not really proven to do much of anything, just FYI. Be prepared for the tiniest bit of cramping — that’s how you know the Senna is working, and it’s your body’s way of telling you to get to a bathroom ASAP.

Results: When I took the stuff, I definitely pooped way more, which left me feeling yes, more “flushed out,” which frankly sometimes you need. I’m vegan, so I wonder if I would have had more dramatic results had I been eating a more meat, cheese and fat-filled diet. Either way, I definitely pooped more, though I cannot say that I felt that I looked different. I did feel lighter and more “revitalized and refreshed,” as the box promised.

Overall: For a cleanse, it was way more low impact that other types of cleanses I’ve tried, and also did what it said it would do, which was increase the amount of poop I pooped, clearing out my colon and such.

Grade (1-5): 4, only because I realize the entire conceit of this is sort of bad. But hey, at least I’m honest