I spend an hour a week in therapy. When I’m not working through current traumas, like that woman who gave me the stink-eye at the grocery store, I am stuck firmly in the past. Yes, I lived through many scarring childhood experiences from which I thought I’d never recover. There was the time in 9th grade when this jerk in Earth Sciences put tape in my hair. And every single time my mother shouted “Leave the door open!” after me when I went to hang out in my bedroom with a boy.
But for you, dear Frisky readers, I have decided to enact a spiritual sage-burning of the blogger variety and admit there are some things I just need to get over. What follows are the scarring childhood experiences that I, along with the rest of the Frisky staff, are finally ready to put past us…
- The sleepover we weren’t invited to in 6th grade, even though all our friends were invited.
- The stupid bowl haircut our moms gave us in kindergarten that made me look like a little boy.
- The time our siblings told us they’d killed our dog and made him into a shag rug.
- The time our dog actually did die.
- That time we saw our mom naked on a nude beach.
- That time we walked in on our parents doing it.
- That time we saw our parents through a window doing it.
- That kid who punched us/threw rocks at us/bullied us for no reason.
- The entire time we lived in Texas and didn’t have any of the “cool clothes.”
- That time we were the only Jew in the town we lived in in Ohio and someone drew Swastikas on our notebook during the Anne Frank section at school.
- That time we were in the popular clique and then out of the popular clique all within the span of one school year.
- Every single time a boy or girl called us “fat,” “fatso” or “fatass.”
- Every single time we asked out a boy on a date and he said no.
- That time we got our underwear frozen at a slumber party.
- Any and all hairiness mishaps, such as the times we were called “Monkey Girl” and the time kids in English class pointed at our hairy armpits and laughed.
- Any and all menstrual mishaps, especially ones that involve the family dog breaking into the bathroom wastepaper basket.
- The entirety of fifth grade when we were “overdeveloped” and “too tall.”
- Not getting into our first choice college.
- Finally realizing our dad, mom, stepmom, brother, or other close family member actually is an asshole.
- Finally realizing we’re not going to marry Prince Harry/Ryan Gosling/Joseph Gordon-Levitt. (Actually, some of us might still be in denial about this one.)
Jeez, I hope I didn’t bum everybody out. But it feels good to get this off our chests, doesn’t it?
Are there any scarring childhood experiences you think every woman needs to get over? Let us know in the comments!