Smooth guys are overrated. And while not every awkward guy is amazing, as a group, they have my vote. I’m so confident about them, I married one. On our first date he stood in front of me, cradling a giant sunflower, and said, “I knew this was going to be awkward, so I’ve been practicing standing awkwardly in front of you.” He was perfect.
I listen as my friends tell me sad stories about the cool, cocky, fiery, loud guys they date. The guys they fight with other girls over. The guys who somehow always end up ghosting them, just when they’re starting to fall. The guys who play in bands or have a signature shoe style. The guys who are never awkward and would never, ever be played by Hugh Grant in a movie about their life. I bite my lip. I don’t want to be preachy. But really, inside, I’m dying to recommend they date someone, well, more awkward. After the jump, why they’re the best.
1. They’re friggin’ adorable. They blush. They look at their feet. Their emotions are obvious. You can tell they like you. You can tell they think you’re pretty. They smile bashfully, and it’s the most genuine smile you’ve ever seen.
2. They’re often self-aware. They know they’re awkward. They’ve tried to be less awkward, and failed, and had to accept that this is a part of who they are. They are good at self-deprecating humor as a result. A good self-deprecating joke says so much. Mostly it says, “I know I’m not God’s gift to humankind, but I think I might be kinda cute? Maybe?” Yes, you are.
3. You know what you’re getting into with them. They don’t know how to show off, so you can see immediately what they’re actually good at. I prefer it to be math or science related. I like to imagine them seeing numerical patterns in the way people move towards the cheese and crackers at a party. “A Beautiful Mind” style. My husband, who is extremely good at math, says this never happens to him. Ever. Which is sad, but I’m trying to get over it.
4. They’re nice human beings. It’s hard to be an awkward jerk. Even if you started out that way, that shit would’ve gotten crushed in middle school. Niceness is so underrated. But it’s incredibly important. In dealing with grandmothers, for example. And being on elevators with aggravated strangers. And training kittens. And so much more.
5. They let themselves be vulnerable. Sometimes they can’t even help it. One of the biggest problems with dating is that people don’t let themselves be vulnerable enough. Everyone’s protecting themselves, and so it’s really hard to get to know each other. And maybe you move on without finding out if the other person is actually great, because it’s too difficult or scary or sensitive. But since awkward guys are vulnerable, you can be vulnerable, too, and who knows what will happen next. Hot sex, perhaps?
6. They often get overlooked by girls who go for the flashier, louder, more obvious guys. Don’t get distracted by the shiny gift-wrap! It’s what’s inside that counts. And it’s really cool to know that you’re the kind of discerning person who knows quality when she sees it. Even when quality is wearing a baggy shirt with a picture of a moose in a bow tie. Which brings me to:
7. They often aren’t great at dressing themselves. So you might be surprised at the results when you offer a few fashion tips. My man did not own any jeans when we met. He thought jeans were uncomfortable and that only people who were “trying to be cool” wore them. He wore these cargo pants things that I can’t even explain. I got him jeans. He looked amazing. He could see that he looked amazing and has never stopped wearing them. We lived happily ever after — me and him and his jeans.
8. They’re good at stuff. If you can’t get by on your dazzling personality alone, you have to get good at other things. Like rocket science. Or the trombone. Or cooking. Or kung fu. All of the above, please. And speaking of things they’re good at:
9. They’re good in bed. I can’t get into too much detail with this, because I have this policy about not writing things on the internet that my mom will read. But I swear, it’s true. The dashing, smooth-talking, popular guys I’ve been with have always been the ones with the bedroom issues. The sweet, nerdy guys? They know where it’s at.
10. They’re grateful. People sometimes act like gratefulness is bad. It means you were desperate, or something. Well, those people have not had enough gratitude in their lives. Being grateful for your partner is really important. It inspires you to make them an omelet for breakfast sometimes. It keeps you thinking about how much you love them. And awkward guys are grateful that you chose them. They don’t forget. They appreciate. It is truly awesome to be appreciated. Personally, I like to bask in it and then use it as an excuse to buy pretty dresses.
But even if you already have all of the prettiest dresses in the world (if so, I hate you), awkward guys are awesome. And I’m not just saying that because I’m an awkward girl. I might not be. I have only tripped over my feet ONCE today, OK? Seriously, if you haven’t already, give an awkward guy a shot. He might be the best you’ve ever had. And at the very least, you might get a sunflower out of it. Sunflowers, by the way, are very awkward flowers. But they know to soak up some sunlight.