This month at The Frisky, we are exploring a wide variety of things that every woman needs. Let’s start with the obvious: MEN. Ladies, protest all you want, but the truth is that we need them. And not just in the romantic, reproductive or changing light bulbs sense. The men in our lives fill a wide variety of important roles. After the jump, the kinds of guys every woman needs to have on her team.
1. The doting father figure. He can be a grandfather, a father, a brother or an uncle. Or he can be totally unrelated to you. Point being, you trust this man wholeheartedly. He loves you unconditionally and always has your best interests at heart. I am lucky to have a whole family full of these guys.
2. The ex you know you can still call. For advice, a shoulder to cry on, or to ask for music recommendations. I have an ex who I still consult whenever I buy electronics. I trust him implicitly to make computer-related decisions for me and would never purchase without his consent.
3. The ex you know you can never call again. Presumably this guy, whatever he did, made you a more kick ass woman. This alone makes him necessary. You’ll never forget him, but you’ll also never speak to him ever, ever again.
4. The totally platonic male best friend. Yes, I believe this kind of relationship is possible. I have known mine since I was 15. I am lucky enough to have him live in the same city as me. We have dinner about once a month. It’s comforting to have someone in my life who still remembers when I was an awkward, angsty Goth girl who wrote bad poetry. And he loves to remind me of it.
5. The man you love, but would never have a relationship with. You’ve resigned yourself to the fact that he is wonderful and amazing when it comes to his women friends, but with his romantic interests, he’s a complete nightmare. This makes it easy for you to adore him as a friend and easy for him to return the adoration without his antics.
6. The man who has encouraged you in your career. This can be a teacher or a colleague, or any man who believed in you when you didn’t. There was a guy I knew in college who always used to tell me I was destined for greatness. When I was at low points in my career, I often thought of him and his encouragement buoyed me. He still sends me emails like, “I can’t wait to read your first book” or “Have you considered doing screenplays?”
7. The man you can call to help you move your couch. Or if you have a gas leak. Or if you think someone just broke into your apartment. Or if you’re me, the guy you call when you’ve trapped a cockroach under a glass in your kitchen and you think you’ll die if you have to dispose of it on your own. For the record, I change my own lightbulbs.
8. The man who adores you exactly the way you are. Whether you’ve had any kind of romantic involvement with this man or not, he thinks you are the goddamn dog’s pajamas. Everything single thing you do. Everything single thing you say. He adores every bit of it. You can do no wrong in this man’s eyes. Even though you often do wrong. And when you do, he politely looks the other way.
9. The guy who flirts with you but doesn’t expect anything in return. There is a man who owns a flower shop in my neighborhood. I walk by his shop every morning on the way to the subway. Every day, he smiles and waves. He tells me I look lovely. He tells me I smell nice. Bless him. For, without him, there would be no spring in my step at 8 a.m. on a Monday.
10. The man who gets your jokes. There has to be one man in your life that you can kill, absolutely slay with your jokes. I can think of many men who find me funny, not to brag or anything, but the one who I enjoy making laugh the very most is my little brother, Adam. I have the most practice with him too. I have been perfecting my stand up act on him for more than 20 years. If you meet him, ask him about his favorite routine, The Bird With The Broken Wing.