I was pleased to learn about the existence of the 1920′s organization called the Anti-Flirt Club. Founded by a woman named Alice Reighly, the group was comprised of young women who had been “embarrassed by men in automobiles and on street corners.” Who among us has not? While we appreciate the Anti-Flirt Club’s efforts to protect women from future flirting-related gaffes, the problem is still running rampant nearly a century later. After the jump, I’ve taken the liberty of amending a few of their rules for modern women who don’t want to be embarrassed by men in automobiles and on street corners.
1. Don’t flirt: those who flirt in haste oft repent in leisure. The interpretation of this rule depends largely on how they are defining flirting here. Smiling, winking, getting naked in an automobile, having sex on a street corner? This I know for sure: there were no cell phones, Internet or Facebook in the 1920′s, but if there were, the Anti-Flirters would have encouraged us to think carefully before sexting because dirty chats and naughty photos last forever, whereas a moment of lust (or drunkenness) does not.
2. Don’t accept rides from flirting motorists—they don’t invite you in to save you a walk. Let’s replace the word “flirting” with the word “murdering” here. I don’t know when serial killers started to become a thing, but this is the best reason not to accept a ride from an unknown motorist: sometimes they are flirting serial killers. TED BUNDY.
3. Don’t use your eyes for ogling—they were made for worthier purposes. Namely, eye banging. Which is much more purposeful than this ogling crap.
4. Don’t go out with men you don’t know—they may be married, and you may be in for a hair-pulling match. We agree, married men are off the market. But getting in a hair-pulling match with an unmarried man you hardly know sounds like … fun.
5. Don’t annex all the men you can get—by flirting with many, you may lose out on the one. I wonder what the Anti-Flirt Clubbers would have thought of online dating? If I could time travel, I would go back and tell them about it, just to see the look on their faces. Dear Anti-Flirters, we keep our options open in the future, way open. But when we find a good one, we cease and desist our man annex, if you will.
6. Don’t fall for the slick, dandified cake eater—the unpolished gold of a real man is worth more than the gloss of a lounge lizard. I think this is the old-fashioned way of reminding women not to fall for gay men, drunks or players. This rule still stands.
7. Don’t let elderly men with an eye to a flirtation pat you on the shoulder and take a fatherly interest in you. Those are usually the kind who want to forget they are fathers. The only question here is: Do YOU have daddy issues?