Meatballing And Other Topics The Cast Of “Jersey Shore” Are Actually Qualified To Advise

Interesting choice, TV Guide: the girls of “Jersey Shore” dished out Valentine’s Day love advice, like JWoww’s wise words that you can attract a man with “flourescent colors and leopard print.” The sad thing is that I don’t know if she was talking about makeup, hair, nails or clothes.

Alas, there are some topics that the ladies of “Jersey Shore” can speak knowledgeably about, but relationships are not one of them. Here are some topics they actually qualified to speak on…

  1. Ron Ron Juice: A Primer 
  2. How To Steal A Gold Chain From A Guido
  3. Flatironing Your Hair While Drunk
  4. How To Drywall A Hole Someone Punched In The Wall After A Bout Of ‘Roid Rage 
  5. From GTL to WTF: What The Hell We’re Actually Talking About
  6. Battling On The Dancefloor For Dummies
  7. The Trick To Walking In Platform Heels And Short Dresses Without Showing Your Coo-Ca 
  8. Negotiating With Assholes: The Mike “The Situation” Story
  9. Time Management, Or How To Waste Three Hours With Only A Blowdryer and Lip Gloss
  10. Meatballing
We can dream, can’t we? I mean, Snooki must talk about something when she’s paid $32,000 — that’s $2,000 more than Toni Morrison! — to speak at institutions of higher learning. [TV Guide]