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Anatomy Of An Amazing News Item: Shakira And The Impetuous Sea Lion

It’s another one of those stories. You know, the kind where the math doesn’t quite add up so you have to make a special visual equation to figure it out. Today, we found out that Shakira was nearly attacked by a wild sea lion while on an aquatic mammal tour in Cape Town, South Africa. “Suddenly, [a sea lion] jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me … I was paralyzed by fear and couldn’t move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother ‘Super Tony’ jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast,” the singer wrote on her Facebook page. Apparently the impetuous sea lion thought her Blackberry was a piece of food and jumped for it. Shakira survived the incident with a minuscule laceration on her hand. The part of this story that disturbs me most is the fact that she still uses a Blackberry. It’s iPhone time for Shakira. There must be an app for preventing feral sea lion attacks. [People]

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