In the last month, I have not watched any Ryan Gosling movies, even though one night, “The Notebook” and “Blue Valentine” were on at the same time. I haven’t clicked on any links with his name in the headline. Save for my Goservention update posts — and this one, which Julie gave me permission to write — I have not written about Ryan at all on The Frisky. As a result, I’ve started to see the appeal of other men, both famous (Michael Fassbender in “Shame”) and not-so-famous, and have gotten back in touch with who I am without a Ryan Gosling obsession. The other day, Jessica said to me, “It’s been good for you. It’s been good for all of us,” and I kind of wanted to tell her to shut her piehole, but then I realized she was maybe right. Maybe taking a break from Ryan Gosling was good for me. Maybe I had turned a corner and would never … would never need him again.
All of that positive thinking changed this morning, when I read that Time Warner Cable -- my cable provider! — would be making eight of Gosling’s films available On Demand this month, in honor of Valentine’s Day.
Clearly, Time Warner Cable is out to get me. Having eight Ryan Gosling movies available to watch 24/7 during the most depressingly romantic two weeks of the year is like a bakery moving next door to an overeater just in time for bikini season. WTF? What have I done to deserve this torture? How am I supposed to resist watching “The Notebook,” “Crazy Stupid Love,” and “Murder by Numbers” back-to-back-to-back? By having a friend tie me to my bed with the remote out of reach? Fine. I’ll do that. So long as I have a bedpan and a supply of Diet Coke.
Ugh, Time Warner, you are a cruel bitch — but I shall not be defeated! Mark my words, your attempts to sabotage my progress will only make me stronger!