This Woman Predicts The Future With Asparagus

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Meet Jemima Packington, a woman who divines the future using asparagus. The world’s only “Asparamancer” (as she calls herself), she casts the spears in the air and reads the shapes they form when they land. She been reading asparagus since she was a little girl and claims to have been making accurate predictions about such things as the royal family and politics. “It might sound silly to some people but my readings are very accurate. I have been doing readings using asparagus since I was eight years old. My great aunt read tea leaves and I have inherited her gift,” Jemima says. Sure, why not? If you can do it with tea leaves, you can do it with vegetables. I want to believe in her powers, really I do, but she predicts that Europe will not have a hard time with frost and snow, just a windy time. Last time I checked, Europe was going through a deep freeze. Alas, the asparagus spears have failed her this time.  But fret not, the Asparamancer will  have a chance to redeem herself when she appears at the British Asparagus Festival in April, where she’s bound to predict that all attendees will have strange smelling pee. [Dlisted]

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