Madonna has returned! The Material Girl has laid low for a few years, but the new video for her song “Give Me All Your Luvin’” proves that 30+ years after rising to fame, she still somehow looks, sounds, and even moves like no time has passed. That’s the extent to which I will allow myself to compliment the pop star’s recent musical debut.
I shouldn’t “hate” on someone who was just resurrected from the grave, but after watching the video, I am tempted to believe that Madonna may actually be a zombie trying to turn me by way of music video zombification. I was literally stuck in a trance-like, brain-dead state after exposing my senses to the neuron-murdering chant: “L-U-V Madonna, Y-O-U, you wanna” compounded by the confused high school football-themed visual diarrhea.
Yes, you read correctly: 54-year-old Madonna’s latest song and video (from her upcoming album, MDNA) has a high school theme. This includes, but is not limited to: cheerleaders equip with pom-poms (the most noteworthy being Nicki Minaj and M.I.A, who are both featured in the track), chivalrous football players who help Madonna to defy the laws of gravity by walking on walls, and a cheer/chant suitable for torturing insurgents.
And it’s not over! Just as you believe the video will come to an end and could not possibly get anymore deranged, Madonna is carried through a corridor by a sea of football players, disappears and then reemerges beside Nicki and M.I.A., all dressed as Marilyn Monroe look-a-likes among cheerleaders wearing anime-esque masks. The lady rap stars then proceed to have their solos (well, M.I.A. justs mumbles incoherently) while they entice us with lip-licking, toe-touching and leg-spreading. Yikes.
Clearly, I was not a fan of this latest effort from the pop star — were you? Share you thoughts in the comments!