A new study done at University of Michigan explored people’s post-coital sleep behaviors. To cuddle or to sleep, that was the question. And who falls asleep first? And what does it say about the relationship? We say: Who cares? Who’s sleeping after sex? We wouldn’t dare nod off afterwards and waste the best moments of in life in soporific unconsciousness. Blasphemous! Not to mention boring! And cuddling? That’s for people who enjoy having their skin get stuck to another’s. Not us. There are way more interesting ways to spend post-sex moments. After the jump, some other things you can do after sex if you’re not the tired, spooning type of lover.
1. Eat an entire pizza. Take advantage of this rare moment where you’re not worried if the bed gets messy. That means, food in bed! A nice, greasy pizza always hits the spot after a furtive f**k session. Don’t you think?
2. Clean. Don’t you have a crazy burst of energy right after sex? That makes it the perfect time to do chores you normally hate and do them with a smile. Like put all the laundry away or vacuum the living room or shred mail.
3. Return phone calls or emails. Since you’re already in bed and have nothing else to do and you’re not distracted by sexual fantasies for five minutes, might as well return phone calls or emails. Bonus: You have someone right there to read email drafts aloud to. Fun!
4. Cruise Facebook together and laugh about people’s lame status updates. This a wonderful form of bonding that involves no spooning whatsoever. After every status update, laugh conspiratorially with your sex partner. So and so is changing little Johnny’s diaper and we just f**ked like porn stars. Hahahaha!
5. Do it again. Duh. Some of us don’t get it very often. Or have very high sex drives. Or both.
6. Shower together. Sex is a dirty business. Get the fluids off each other right away. You know as well as we do that showers lead to shower sex. (See # 5.)
7. Watch movies or bad Television. For some reason we always crave British comedies after sex, so there’s that. Or a good Lifetime movie or crappy reality show. Anything we can make witty commentary about together.
8. Play Scrabble. Never are you as focused or mentally alert as you are post-coitus. This is the right time to kick your man’s ass at Scrabble. Rack up points (and impress him) with like erotomania or pudenda.
9. Naked dance party. We just got laid! Let’s dance! Naked! To ’90s hip hop! On my bed! Until we are ready to f**k again! (See # 5.)
10. A post-coital recap. They do recaps during sports games … right? No reason not to do it after an amorous romp. Ex: “That was really hot when you put your #^(*%& in my #*^%*^% sideways. Next time if you come up the rear, we may be able score faster.” Maybe not that, but you get the point.
11. Workout sesh. Take advantage of the energy boost and hit the gym. Look at it this way: You’ve already done 30 minutes of cardio, so you’ve got a head start.
12. Do something creative. Draw, paint, write, play music, etc. Let the muse of sexuality work her magic on you. You just might not want to use the word muse in front of anyone. Unless you wear capes. In that case … go for it.
13. Take self portraits. No blush necessary. Gotta love that post-orgasm glow. You look hot right now and you know it. Memorialize this moment as it might be a while before you find yourself here again. Hopefully not too long.