Happy Chinese New Year! Today is officially the start of The Year of the Dragon. I know what you’re all thinking: but what does this Year of the Dragon business have to do with me? (First of all, find out if you were born in the Year of the Dragon here. If you weren’t, find out what your Chinese Zodiac sign is here.) Well, at least that’s what I was thinking. I was born in the Year of the Horse, which means I’m adaptable, intelligent, funny, diplomatic and a total workaholic. Oh, you don’t care? OK fine. Whinny, whinny. Stomp, stomp. (That was the Horse in me throwing a little tantrum.) After the jump, some things you need to know about these Dragon people who will be hogging the astrological spotlight all year long. Ahem, may I just point out that dragons aren’t even real?
1. They are leaders. You can’t put a dragon on a leash, oh no you can’t. These imposing creatures do not like their independence fucked with. They are very successful in both love and in work if you let them be the boss and run the lair and make the rules and don’t impose upon their big, grandiose, passionate way of ruling.
2. They have tempers. Like the mythical, fire-breathing creatures they are named after, dragons are hotheads. So try not to make them angry if you can avoid it. Otherwise they will singe the crap out of your face. Oh fine. The truth is they have a soft, scaly underbellies. They are very compassionate and loving people with huge hearts underneath the daunting exterior.
3. They are drawn to Monkeys and Rats. I’m sorry Ox and Goat but you need to scram. You are loners. The Dragons don’t want you. They want to have some fun! So, they prefer to shack up with charming, energetic Rats or playful, promiscuous Monkeys. These “harder to get,” more sociable types keep Dragons entertained and working overtime to win the hearts of those they love. Again, just to be clear, no matter what animal you are, do not piss a Dragon off.
4. They are lucky bastards. A recent poll conducted in Hong Kong found that 70 percent of couples hoped to have “Dragon babies.” Why? Because they are generally considered the luckiest sign in the Chinese Zodiac. These imposing creatures are often associated with good fortune, intelligence and success. Blah, blah blah. The takeaway here is that you should not waste time being jealous of your fellow Dragon. Send that sucker out to buy your lotto ticket.
5. They need balance in their lives. All that passion. All that fire. All that ego. No wonder Dragons tend to overdo it. And in turn, they find themselves stressed out a lot. It must be hard being so lucky. It’s recommended that Dragons practice yoga or meditation to keep all that fire in check and also so they stay grounded and don’t let all that success go to their heads.